


Second Hand News

by sparkinside (boomersoonerash)



Category: Hanson (Band), One Direction (Band)
Genre: Airports, Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Anthem Era, Arguing, Babies, Band Break Up, Bisexual Character, Blow Jobs, Bottom Harry, Bottom Zac, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Breakfast, Cliffhangers, Come Swallowing, Consent Issues, Crossover, Crossover Pairings, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dirty Talk, Divorce, Drunk Harry, Drunk Zac, Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, Dubious Consent, Engagement, Established Relationship, F/M, Flashbacks, Gay Male Character, Hair Kink, Hangover, Hotel Sex, Hotels, Hurt Harry, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealous Harry, Jealousy, Kissing, Lube, M/M, Masturbation, Masturbation in Shower, Misunderstandings, Musician Harry, Older Man/Younger Man, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Oral Sex, POV Alternating, POV Third Person, Paparazzi, Reunions, Sad, Shower Sex, Songwriting, Tattoos, Top Harry, Top Zac, Touring, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-12
Updated: 2018-03-28
Packaged: 2018-05-13 10:53:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5704942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boomersoonerash/pseuds/sparkinside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>I know there's nothing to say</em><br/>
<em>Someone has taken my place</em><br/>
<em>When times go bad</em><br/>
<em>When times go rough</em><br/>
<em>Won't you lay me down in tall grass</em><br/>
<em>And let me do my stuff</em>
</p><p>[Or the Fleetwood Mac Inspired AU that no one really asked for but I am doing anyway]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. March 10, 2014-Los Angeles, California

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say this story is based largely on the album Rumours by Fleetwood Mac as well as a lot of songs from the early 70s and 80s. The Band Straight Laces is of course fictional but the songs they sing do belong to other bands so I do not claim copyright on them. They belong to their respective owners.
> 
> This story will follow a past/present timeline so please be mindful of the chapter title dates :) and I hope you enjoy this fic. If you do you should add me on tumblr to talk or chat about it
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a fictional story. None of this story is true and I am in no way associated with One Direction and Hanson. I do own any original characters. Also, please do not translate this unless you ask me for permission first. Thanks!
> 
>  
> 
> <http://wendydarlingfics.tumblr.com> . Or you can always comment on here.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "But you broke up with me so you could fuck around with that actress Jenny Law or whatever her name is."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry sighed softly as he woke up beside Zac in the hotel bed they were sharing for the night in Los Angeles before they left for the first city of their tour and he chewed his lip as he studied the sleeping man beside him, the man he had been in an on and off relationship with since he was almost eighteen and the man who he was in a band with.

"Zachary," Harry muttered out as he leaned a bit closer, leaving a light kiss on Zac's cheek. "It's time to get up babe. We promised Taylor and Alex we'd meet them for breakfast at the hotel restaurant and we need to get ready."

Zac groaned at Harry's words as he buried his head farther into Harry's arm, letting that be the only sign to Harry that Zac had heard him but he was being his typical self in the mornings which was difficult to wake up because he wasn't and never had been a morning person.

"Do we have to?" Zac finally asked as Harry had just stayed silent. "Can't we just stay in bed until bus call?"

Laughing at that, Harry shook his head though he knew Zac couldn't see him because his head was still buried. "No," he spoke as moved away from Zac slightly. "You know if we cancel both Alex and Taylor are going to be total diva's about it," he reasoned knowing Zac's brother who had created the band could be a bit of a diva and Taylor's new spouse Alex, the man he had left his wife for was just as bad.

"If you get up now and shower with me I'll suck your cock in the shower," Harry bargained hoping that could get Zac to move. Zac had never really ever been able to turn down a blow job by him or anyone and maybe that's why they were always on and off.

Opening his eyes, Zac raised an eyebrow as he locked eyes with Harry. "You aren't saying that just to get me up are you?" he asked almost sounding like he didn't believe Harry really would suck his cock in the shower. "You'll get down on your knees and suck my cock?"

Harry rolled his eyes at Zac's questions, "Have I ever not sucked your cock when I said would?" he questioned as he leaned in to peck Zac's lips. "I kind of like giving you blowies in the morning anyway."

"Blowies," Zac muttered out before returning the peck. "A word you picked up from that English dude you dated last month? The one the fans had a field day shipping you with?" he asked as he finally sat up and stretched and as he did Harry couldn't help but admire his chest especially his happy trail which was peeking out of the boxer briefs he had worn to bed last night.

"His name was Patrick," Harry said as he got up from the bed, pulling his hair out of the bun he had pulled it into before going to bed last night. "And yeah he said blowies a lot but he sure didn't give them much or want them much," he shrugged as he headed into the bathroom, feeling Zac's body heat as he followed behind him. "And the fans didn't have a field day shipping us together," he said as he shook his head once they were in the bathroom and he turned to face Zac briefly. "They still ship me with you more than anyone else."

Zac seemed to go silent at that, "Really because I'm pretty sure I saw more Hatrick hashtags than Zarry hashtags," he replied and as Harry turned to start the shower he smirked when he heard the hint of jealousy in Zac's voice. "I hated having to log on to every god damn social media and see pictures of you two clubbing or on yacht's."

"Could have been you," Harry told him as he stripped out of his boxers and slipped into the shower. "But you broke up with me so you could fuck around with that actress Jenny Law or whatever her name is."

Scrunching up his face, Zac joined Harry in the shower, "Her name was Jensen Lawler and you're just jealous I'm bisexual and not full on gay," he quipped as he moved a bit closer to Harry until their cocks were touching. "But how about using those lips for more than talking cocksucker?"

Harry wanted to roll his eyes at Zac calling him jealous about Zac being bisexual because no he wasn't jealous over that. He was jealous that Zac wanted other people over him because deep down despite being twenty and Zac being twenty-eight almost twenty-nine he wanted to be the one Zac spent forever with. Wanted to be the one who'd one day marry Zac.

"Not jealous over that," Harry spoke before leaning in to kiss Zac on the lips slowly. "Just don't like it when you break up with me to go have fun with men or women," he muttered in between kisses with Zac. "Like being your only."

"You're my only right now," Zac replied back as his hands went to Harry's wet hair, carding his fingers through the strands. "You know I'm probably going to end up with you in the end anyway curly," he muttered out and god did Harry want to believe his words. "Now get on your knees gorgeous...please."

Pulling away from the kisses Harry pouted slightly, "You really can't tell me you'll probably end up with me and then be so obscene," he told him as he did obey though and got on his knees, his hands wrapping around Zac's cock as he pumped him slowly. "Kind of ruins the romantic moment and all Z."

Zac shook his head but before he could speak Harry slipped his mouth over Zac's cock and all Harry heard was the man moaning out loudly and it almost made Harry proud to know that whoever was staying in the hotel room beside them could probably hear Zac and how much he liked what Harry was doing with his mouth.

Letting his eyes fall closed as he began to move his mouth up and down Zac's length, Harry soon found himself moaning out as he felt hands in his hair and as the hands stayed but began to move he knew Zac was doing what he usually did when Harry got on his knees and sucked him off in the shower. He was washing his hair because he knew and abused the fact that Harry liked to have his hair played with.

Moving his mouth a bit faster around Zac, Harry let one of his hands drop to his own cock and as he sucked on Zac he began to stroke himself, trying to get his mouth and hand at the same pace.

"So fucking hot," Zac spoke from above Harry as he pulled lightly on Harry's soapy wet hair. "Sucking my cock while playing with your own. It's such a let down that I have nothing in here to record this. Like watching my cocksucker do what he does best."

Harry couldn't help the moan that escaped him as he felt Zac pulling his hair because fuck that had felt good, so fucking good and as he pulled away from Zac's cock briefly Harry looked up at him. "Am I better than all the others?" he asked as they locked eyes. "Could Jensen suck your cock like me?" he asked before letting his mouth go back around Zac though he kept it just on the mushroom shaped tip for a bit, where his tongue swirled around the slit, causing Zac's hips to buck slightly.

"Fuck Harry," Zac grunted out as he pulled on Harry's hair again. "You should know no one sucks my cock as good as you can baby," he sighed out and his words again made Harry proud. "Only you can please me like this. You know what gets me going, you don't mind that I talk a little dirty to you because secretly you like it too."

Stroking himself harder at Zac's words Harry finally began to move his mouth fully over Zac again and again he let his eyes fall shut while also admitting to himself that, yeah, Zac was right. Harry did like Zac talking dirty and calling him a cocksucker or telling him it was what he did best. He just really liked hearing Zac be so filthy and it always seemed to get him harder and closer to the finish.

As he kept moving his mouth he eventually felt Zac start to move his hips more, in time with his own movements and Harry knew then that Zac was close and so he stopped what he was doing, letting Zac fuck his mouth as he continued to get himself off and when Zac gave his hair one final tug before shuddering and coming down his throat Harry closed his eyes as he felt his own end come.

After he had swallowed everything Zac gave him Harry pulled away and stood up as he slipped under the water briefly to wash out the remaining shampoo in his hair and after he had done so he reached out to pull Zac to him. "I think it's time I wash you off now," he smirked as he leaned in to kiss Zac on the lips briefly. "Sadly we do have to shower too and not just fool around or your brother and Alex will bitch."

"My brother and Alex always bitch," Zac huffed out slightly as he returned the kiss before pulling away. "But I think I'd like it if you did wash my hair like I semi did yours. I just like the way your fingers feel in my hair."

"I think that can be arranged then," Harry smiled as he turned away briefly to get the shampoo bottle and fuck did he hope they made it to breakfast on time because he really did hate having to deal with the diva that was known as Taylor Hanson though maybe it was a good thing sometimes he was a diva.

After all if he hadn't been for the diva the band Straight Laces probably wouldn't exist. A band that consisted of Taylor, Zac, Isaac, and Harry. Harry of course was the only one not related and so maybe he was the odd one out in a way. The same way Isaac was the odd one out in being the only straight guy in the band with Harry being fully gay, Zac being bisexual and Taylor well who knew what he was. He had once been married to Ginny and they even had two children an eleven year old boy named Huck and a three year old girl named Ruby but of course Taylor had left Ginny when Ruby was a year old.

Taylor had claimed it was because they just argued too much but most people and even the media knew it was because he had been running around with Alex which of course made things bad between him and Ginny. Ginny who was a singer herself had even went on to write a song about him. A song that was going well and was aptly titled You're So Vain.

It was something Harry guessed could have ran in the Hanson genes. Being unfaithful and unable to commit because how many times had Zac cheated on him and he knew Isaac every time they went on the road would cheat on Maisie the woman he had been engaged to for four years.

It was just a Hanson thing and maybe Harry should just get used to it but he couldn't. He couldn't when he loved Zac and had been gone for the man since he was two months shy of eighteen. It had been then that he met him through the only Hanson brother not in the band. Harry had shown up at some party Mac was having and Zac had been there and maybe Harry had been slightly tipsy and hit on Zac but Zac didn't seem to mind and somehow they had exchanged numbers though Harry didn't call him back until two months later on his eighteenth birthday.

He had been shy and scared of rejection but after calling Zac and inviting him over for a small get together his friends were having they had wound up in bed by the end of the night and somehow they hadn't stopped winding up in each others beds. It was that, that lead to their relationship and when Taylor needed a lead singer for the band he created just three months after Harry's eighteenth birthday, Harry had been the obvious choice and Harry didn't think Taylor minded.

Hell Taylor sometimes said Harry was the reason they were so popular. The chicks loved him even if he was gay, though Harry was also sure they loved Zac too and they sure did love to ship them because according to them it had always been apparent from their first public shows and interviews that they were in a relationship. They apparently flirted and fonded too much with each other.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Standing in the elevator an hour later as he fiddled with his phone Harry looked over at Zac whose eyes he had felt on him. "What?" he asked feeling confused as he raised an eyebrow.

"You know I meant it earlier right?" Zac asked him as the elevator doors closed shut and they began the descent to the lobby. "When I said I'll probably end up with you in the end anyway," he explained as a blush coated his cheeks and Harry had to keep from commenting on how cute it was. "I love you Harry and eventually I'd like to have what Taylor and Alex have except of course the kids we have will all be adopted and not from an ex-wife who eventually writes songs about me out of revenge."

Laughing at that Harry put his phone away as he moved a bit closer to Zac. "Is that your way of proposing to me silly boy?" he asked playfully as he pecked Zac's lips. "With a speech in an elevator and no ring."

Zac shook his head, "Not a proposal yet but a promise of one someday," he smiled softly as his blush grew but before anything else could be said the moment was broken by the elevator doors opening.

Walking off the elevator Harry smiled a bit when he felt Zac reaching for his hand and as they held hands they walked to the restaurant were they weren't surprised to see Taylor waiting on them, Alex at his side though Harry was a bit surprised by the two females at the table.

They were the opening band of known as The Lancaster Sisters and they consisted of twenty-five year old Rosie Lancaster and her younger sister Poppy Lancaster and just like Straight Laces they were becoming big in the music scene.

"I didn't know we were having company for breakfast," Zac spoke as he let go of Harry's hand as he took a seat at the table beside who Harry thought was Rosie Lancaster.

Sitting down on the other side of Zac, Harry gave Rosie a brief smile before turning his head to Poppy, finding that she was it seemed too enthralled in some conversation with Ruby and Huck, the children that Taylor had somehow convinced Ginny should come on tour. They'd be safe after all Harry guessed. They did have a male nanny in Rowan though it seemed he hadn't made breakfast.

"I didn't know we would be either actually," Taylor answered Zac and for once he sounded a bit honest. "Alex forgot to tell me he had invited them along for breakfast until they had already showed up."

Harry once again laughed at that and it was also after that, that all of them fell into silence or conversation even after their order had been taken and it was during a brief break from some conversation with Poppy about fashion and finger nail polish that Harry looked at Zac who was beside him and he swallowed hard, not liking the way Zac was looking at Rosie who he was in some conversation with.

Harry knew all too well the look Zac was giving the girl. It was the look that meant he would eventually want to sleep with her and Harry had just gotten Zac back two weeks ago. He didn't want to lose him so soon.


	2. February 1, 2016- Los Angeles, California

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: But Zac probably deserved everything he had been given. He had made his own bed and now he was stuck in it.

Waking as the sun came through the window of his room, Zac stretched as he opened his eyes and took in his surroundings. He was in his room, that much he knew and remembered but as he looked at the woman who was naked and passed out beside him he frowned because he most certainly didn't remember her but maybe that should have been expected given how much alcohol he had consumed.

It had been four or five Rums with Coke and maybe just a tad bit of cocaine. Not enough cocaine though because he was trying to cut back, especially since Taylor had wanted to go back to the studio soon and he knew he couldn't be high when writing or recording. Though he couldn't be drunk either so he should have probably cut back on his alcohol now but he needed something to numb him. Hell, he'd need to be numb when he was in the studio again anyway because then he'd have to see Harry and he hadn't see Harry in a year.

Not since Harry had walked out of his life and well after this album he'd be walking out of his life again because Harry had told Taylor this was the last album. He supposedly wanted a solo career and deep down Zac knew the reason for that was him. He was the reason that Harry wanted to leave the band and once Harry was gone the band would be no more.

Zac just had a good way of fucking shit up and sometimes he hated himself but he was trying and well trying was something wasn't it?

Seeing and hearing the woman beside him stir Zac forced a smile when the woman turned to look at him. A woman whose name he barely remembered.

"Hello handsome," Dakota smirked as she moved a bit closer to Zac. "Surprised you beat me to being awake with how much more you drank," she giggled softly as she leaned in to peck Zac's lips but he moved his head and her kiss wound up on his cheek.

"Guess I'm just used to waking up early anyway," Zac lied partly. He was kind of used to waking up early, though never when hungover. "You know how it is right?" he asked not even sure if Dakota did know. All he could remember last night was learning her name and agreeing to love her forever if she'd just come to bed with him. It was something he promised every person who wound up in his bed anymore, though come the next morning he never followed through.

Dakota shook her head as she gave Zac a sympathetic smile, "I really don't. I'm not a..." she started but her words got interrupted by a knock at the door which confused Zac because who would come by his house this early?

Looking at his clock Zac's eyes grew wide as he saw that it was going on noon and the sinking feeling came that he knew who was at the door and he rushed to get out of bed as he searched for clothes to put on.

"You should umm..get dressed," Zac told Dakota though not once did he look at her. He didn't want to see her because he knew soon that she'd realize all of his promises from last night were false. "That's Poppy at the door and it's best if you get dressed and go. I have some cash in my wallet on the dresser, you can use that to get home."

"So no getting to meet your baby?" Dakota asked and Zac heard her move from the bed. "I was actually looking forward to meeting the little one."

Zac cringed internally as the knock sounded on his door and got louder, "I'm sorry Dakota but it's probably best that you not meet my baby," he said honestly as his mind went to his daughter who well today was her birthday and he had opted to have the birthday here at his house and Poppy was probably arriving with her to set everything up.

"Another time then?" Dakota asked and Zac heard her footsteps getting closer to where he stood.

Looking up at Dakota, Zac forced a smile as he shook his head. "I don't think another time would work either," he told her and it was then that he saw a spark of recognition flash in her eyes. "I'm just not ready for anything long term and unless you're going to be long term then I don't want you around my daughter."

Dakota nodded her head as a look of anger now flashed in her eyes, "So last night was just a lie?" she asked him as she cocked an eyebrow.

"Something like that," Zac answered her before turning his back to her and leaving the room as Poppy knocked for a third time. "I just..I'm sorry," he said though deep down he knew he really wasn't sorry.

"Don't say that unless you mean it," Dakota reprimanded him as they walked down the stairs and the moment they reached the bottom she followed him to the door which he threw open to reveal Poppy who was indeed holding his daughter, who seemed to smile bigger the moment her eyes spotted Zac.

"Did I interrupt something?" Poppy asked a bit rudely as Zac watched her look between him and Dakota. "I mean I can come back later and get ready for this little munchkin's birthday if it's a bad time."

Dakota shook her head, "I was just leaving," she spat out as she angrily pushed past where Poppy was on the steps and the move seemed to be enough to frighten the child in Poppy's arms because before Zac knew it the baby was crying loudly and maybe in some ways this was his karmic payback. A crying baby and a pissed off Poppy to deal with.

As the baby's crying got louder Zac reached out and took the baby from Poppy as he began to move her in his arms, "Don't cry my darling Arabella," he sighed as he leaned in to kiss her forehead, watching as Poppy stepped inside. "Daddy has you now baby girl," he spoke as he kept moving her in his arms as he walked to the kitchen.

"So that woman leaving, was she the woman you slept with last night?" Poppy asked and once again she was bitter sounding. "I mean you seem to have a new woman or man in your bed every night, though usually I and the rest of the world find out when they run to the press with their sob stories of what an asshole you are."

"I'm not an asshole," Zac defended himself as he made it to the kitchen where he put Arabella into the high chair. He knew she needed to be somewhere where she wasn't getting into stuff and her highchair was the best option. "I'm just a man who likes to have sex, you should know that," he muttered as he looked down at the baby girl in the high chair before walking to the fridge to see if he had any cereal on top or anything inside that could be eaten. "How else do you think our daughter came about? It was because of my love of having sex."

Poppy groaned at Zac's words, "Don't remind me of the fact that your love of sex is why I'm stuck with you until Arabella is eighteen," she told him still sounding bitter though Poppy always sounded bitter with him. Ever since she had realized a relationship between them wouldn't work anyway.

"But right now, what you're doing Zachary, it's not because you love sex," Poppy continued and as she did she dropped the bitterness and almost sounded sympathetic. "You're doing it because you're trying to find someone to fill a void left by the man whose initials are inked on your wedding ring finger."

At Poppy's words Zac who had reached the fridge, looked down at his finger, the finger where one would normally wear a wedding band and as he did he saw the initials HES staring up at him and he felt that familiar pang of sadness that was related to all things Harry. It was something that was almost permanent since Harry walked out of his life a year ago..exactly a year ago today, a day which probably should have been happy even if the circumstances were bad at the time.

"I'm not looking for someone to fill that void," Zac argued as he reached up for the box of fruit loops on the fridge and he shook it, a smile spreading on his face when he knew it had at least enough food to do him for this morning. He'd probably have to make a grocery trip tonight after Arabella's party though.

Poppy laughed out like she didn't believe Zac's words. "Zachary, you've been looking for someone to fill that void ever since the day Harry walked out of your life at the hospital after I had given birth to Arabella. I mean you got so fucking trashed you wound up taking home one of my nurses and fucking her," she reminded him and god did Zac wish she hadn't. "Maybe it's a good thing Harry left though. I mean he seems happier with Patrick from all the photos of them in tabloids. The one today is of them at some fancy party in New York City. Harry's wearing some diamond ring on his ring finger and it's speculated it's an engagement ring. It's cute on him and much better than his tattoo of your initials which he'll probably get removed now."

Making a face Zac hated the way it hurt when he heard Poppy say that Harry was supposedly engaged to Patrick or even speculate that he'd get the tattoo removed because fuck, weren't they supposed to mean forever? They had been the promise of it anyway even if he and Harry had both been slightly tipsy when getting them the promise of it leading to more had been there but then again that was before...before everything fell to fucking shit.

"The magazines lie all the time," Zac reminded Poppy after he made his bowl of cereal and headed to the table, sitting down opposite her and when he saw Arabella eyeing his food he took out three of the fruit loops and handed them to her to munch on. "I mean didn't one of the magazines last week say we were in a relationship or trying to make it work while using pictures of us both leaving the hospital when Arabella had a bad ear infection."

"That's true but Harry does have a diamond ring and Rosie's heard from friends that Patrick's been talking about settling down," Poppy shrugged as she brought up her sister who had somehow made connections with Patrick but that was easy since the damn asshole was a model who when in California hung out with the same crowd as Rosie. A more posher version of the hipsters Taylor and Alex hung out with. 

"Just face it Zac," Poppy spoke as she locked eyes with him. "You're second hand news now and Harry's moving on. Maybe he'll get that life he always talked about on tour and during my pregnancy. The one of him married and settled down in a house with a white picket fence and a baby."

At that Zac went silent though he wanted to argue and tell Poppy that, that life Harry wanted had always included Zac and maybe it would have if Zac hadn't fucked it all up by getting Poppy pregnant, even if he didn't regret Arabella one bit but he did hate getting Poppy pregnant.

It had been her pregnancy that was probably the main cause of Harry leaving even if he had stayed up until the day she gave birth, Zac knew he had been unhappy and they had been strained and god damn it he had hoped they could have worked through it but then Harry had left and now a year had passed since they saw each other or even spoke. Though Harry still did occasionally keep in contact with Isaac and he was practically best friends with Taylor and Alex.

But Zac probably deserved everything he had been given. He had made his own bed and now he was stuck in it.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Arriving home with Arabella that night long after her party had ended and they had gotten back from grocery shopping Zac sat the bags down on the counter, deciding he could put most of the stuff away later and he took out the magazine he had bought. The one that had Harry and Patrick on the cover along with the engagement headlines.

Going to the table he sat down, adjusting Arabella so that she was on his lap and after he had done so he began to flip through the magazine until he came to the article and he rolled his eyes out of habit at the pictures of Harry and Patrick.

"You see that man right there?" Zac asked Arabella as he looked down at her. "He's the man you share a birthday with and a part of me wants to call him just to hear his voice but the other part of me knows he won't answer even if I did," he frowned slightly. "Daddy misses that man though Arabella darlin. I'm pretty sure he was my one but I fucked that up and now look, he's happy with someone else and it's like your mommy said I'm just second hand news," he muttered and as he did so his brain started to formulate an idea, an idea that he'd have to write down soon, maybe during the writing sessions Taylor had planned for next week.

When Arabella just babbled Zac nodded his head, "That's right," he spoke as if he could understand what she was saying. "You remember our secret about him. That he's the one who named you..or well he said Arabella Jolie would be a good name and I stole the suggestion but we never tell mommy that because secretly I think your mommy's just jealous that I will always put him above her. Heck your mommy already hates that you share a birthday with him and that's probably the best thing I could ask for right now."

Hearing Arabella babble again Zac laughed before picking her up more and kissing her cheek, "Daddy loves you though," he sighed against her cheek. "No matter how horrible my life gets or all the awful things I do. I'll always love you and I'll always love Harry and he should be here raising you with me but he isn't," he spoke as his eyes went back to the pictures. "He's off in New York spending his birthday with Patrick and they're probably engaged," he said as he looked at the ring on Harry's finger, a ring which was covering Harry's tattoos of Zac's initials. "My initials look better on his finger than that god forsaken thing."


	3. March 14, 2014-Las Vegas, Nevada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Harry pouted slightly, "So you don't want me for my brains either?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to get this chapter out before the big snow storm coming my way. There will be a part two sometimes after I get out of the mess that's coming my way weather wise. I just decided to split it though instead of turning my idea into one big chapter.

Harry giggled slightly as he laid down on the bed in the hotel room he was sharing with Zac. Today or well tonight really was the fourteenth and it was also the start of two off days after having shows on the eleventh,twelfth, and thirteenth. In his opinion it was a much needed break and of course it started on the day that was Taylor's birthday.

"You know," he mused as he looked over at Zac who had just came out of the bathroom. "I think Taylor set it up so we'd be in Las Vegas on his birthday and that our two off days would be spent here."

"You think?" Zac asked as he walked to the bed and leaned down to peck Harry on the lips. "I can probably do more than think," he smirked as he pulled away and locked eyes with Harry. "How much have you had to drink? You know we're going out with Alex and Taylor once I'm dressed."

Harry pursed his lips as if he had to think of his answer. "I just did a few shots of some fruity drink in the minibar," he shrugged. "It's made me a bit tipsy though so I may not get too drunk when we got out."

"That's probably a good thing," Zac nodded as he dropped the towel that was around his waist and Harry couldn't help but lean up to watch as Zac walked over to the suitcase to get some clothes out. "I know how you get when you're wasted."

Blushing, Harry chewed on his lip. "How do I get?" he asked before licking his lips as Zac bent over. It really was a wonderful sight and maybe it made him slightly hard but Harry was sure by the end of the night Zac would take care of any problems he had. Zac was always so good at taking care of his needs sexually even if he was kind of shit at being faithful to him.

Zac stood up after finding an outfit and as he got dressed he shrugged his shoulders, "You get all lovey dovey with anyone in sight and I don't like it," he spoke and his openness shocked Harry because well Zac usually kept most things to himself.

"So Patrick makes you jealous and me being love drunk with everyone makes you jealous?" Harry asked as he stood up and walked over to Zac after Zac had slipped a shirt on.

"Sounds about right," Zac nodded as he turned to face Harry, giving him a tiny smile. "I just want the world to know you're off limits and I intend to marry you one day."

Harry blushed even more as he returned Zac's smile, "Well you know we are in Vegas," he said as he made it to where Zac was and he wrapped his arms around his neck. "We could actually just go and elope and make it official right now."

Laughing at that, Zac shook his head, "Your mom would kill me," he said and Harry figured he had a point. He knew his mother would want to be there when he got married. "I don't feel like dying right now. Anyway you deserve better than getting married in some sleazy Vegas chapel. You deserve a big wedding with flowers and tons of guests and your sister as your bridesmaid."

"All that does sound nice," Harry agreed as he leaned in and pecked Zac's lips. "But all I really want in the end is you as my husband," he whispered after pecking his lips. "Make you a faithful man finally."

Zac sighed softly at that, "I am sorry I'm such a shit person Har," he muttered and he did sound sincere. "One day I'm going to get my act together," he smiled though it looked a bit sad. "Just promise to never leave me for good until I do?"

Biting his lip Harry searched Zac's eyes and he hated how sincere Zac was now because how could he promise such a thing? There was only so much getting hurt that you could handle and Harry wasn't sure he could stick around forever, not when he kept getting burned.

"I promise," Harry finally said and he hated himself for saying it because it was a promise he wasn't sure he could keep. "I love you Zac."

"I love you too," Zac smiled before leaning in to peck his lips briefly. "Now we better get going because I'm pretty sure the diva that is my brother wants to get an early start on drinking."

Laughing at that, Harry pulled away from Zac as he headed towards the door, "I don't know who the bigger lush is between your brothers though. Isaac or Taylor."

"Ike likes to think he is," Zac spoke as he followed behind Harry. "But in all honesty Taylor could probably drink him under the table if he had too."

"I'd let you drink me under the table," Harry said as he opened the door. "In a completely different manner though."

"You always think of sex Harry," Zac teased as they stepped out of the room and his arm wrapped around Harry's waist as they walked to the elevators. "I think it's part of the appeal and what makes me love you so much. Your dirty mind and the filthy things I can get you to do," he whispered as he leaned in to kiss Harry's cheek. "That and your incredible body."

Harry pouted slightly, "So you don't want me for my brains either?"

"I thought that was already known," Zac said as he pulled away slightly when they reached the elevators. "I mean I kind of need someone smarter than me to keep me reigned in and sane anyway. Let's face it I'm just a lost cause without you," he smirked as he hit the button for the elevators. "It's why we're perfect together."  
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Sitting at the club Harry snarled his lip slightly as he sat in the booth Taylor had gotten in the VIP Lounge and he was sure he was close to hurling as he watched Zac on the dance floor, a place he had been after drinking a few drinks and of course Zac wasn't on the dance floor with him.

No, Zac was out there dancing with Poppy, the other Lancaster sister and the one who Harry was sure he didn't have to be afraid of because it was Rosie he always looked like he wanted to fuck but it wasn't Rosie he was practically grinding against tonight and he half hated that Taylor had invited the girls out with them.

"You know I'm pretty sure you could kill with that look," a voice spoke beside him and Harry turned his head to see Rosie sitting herself down beside him, offering him the bottle of what looked like another fruity drink and he took it, raising the bottle to his lips. "You jealous that my sister is practically dance fucking your boyfriend?"

Harry couldn't help the laugh as Rosie called it dance fucking and he shook his head. "I'm not jealous," he told her even though it was a lie. "I know Zac's mine."

Rosie gave him a questioning look at that. "If he's yours then why did he come on to me after the gig on the twelfth?" she asked curiously and Harry swore once again he was going to hurl. "I turned him down of course but the implication was there that he wanted me to orally service him."

"Zac's a...he's a bit of an asshole," Harry spoke as he raised the bottle to his lips again and took a longer drink. "But he's mine and he knows that deep down," he said before handing the bottle back to her. "Now if you'll excuse me I think I need to go order something a bit more stronger," he sighed as he stood from the booth and headed towards the bar.

It wasn't that Harry wanted to get drunk but now he wanted something to kill the bit of pain he felt at knowing Zac had already tried making a move on Rosie and that she had turned him down. It sort of made sense then why tonight he had chosen Poppy and if the dancing was anything to go by Harry was afraid if the time came then Poppy wouldn't be doing like her big sister and turning Zac down.

After he had eventually ordered a stronger drink and finished it off quickly, Harry stood from where he had sat at the bar in the club and he made his way out onto the dance floor where Zac and Poppy where as Rosie put it dance fucking.

"Mind if I cut in?" Harry asked a bit bitterly when he reached the couple and when Poppy turned to face him he swore she was glaring daggers at him.

"Well actually I kind of do," Poppy slurred out because even while they danced someone Zac had obviously paid off at the bar had been supplying them both with drinks. "I'm sure you can find someone else to dance with Harold," she spoke and the way she said Harold all nice in a bitchy way made him want to smash her pretty little face in, even if he knew hitting women was wrong and he was too nice for that.

Harry glared at Poppy as he tried his best to reign in his anger. "I think my boyfriend may not like it if I dance with someone else," he said reminding Poppy that he was the one who was in a relationship with Zac even if at times Zac didn't act like it. 

Before either Poppy or Harry could say anything though Zac let out a loud sigh as he moved away from Poppy and he let his arm go around Harry's neck. "He has a point Pops," he spoke and Harry hated the fact that he had already nicknamed Poppy. "Don't like seeing my future husband with anyone but me," he said as he leaned in to peck Harry's lips.

As they kissed briefly Harry could taste the alcohol on his breath and he knew Zac now had to be a bit drunker than he was.

When they pulled away Harry couldn't help the slight satisfaction as he watched Poppy shake her head before walking off, leaving them both in the crowded dance floor.

"I was thinking," Harry muttered as he pulled Zac close to him, his head automatically burying into Zac's neck. "That since you shot down my elopement plans we could get a tattoo..matching tattoos as a promise and commitment of maybe," he suggested as he left a light kiss on Zac's neck. "I want the world to know you're mine too."

"The world or just Poppy?" Zac questioned as he moved a bit which forced Harry to lift his head.

Harry stopped as he had to think that question over for a few seconds. "Both," he smiled knowing he wanted the world and Poppy to know Zac was his man. "Want everyone to know how much I love you. Get a tattoo with me please..we can find a tattoo parlor that's open late tonight," he pouted as he did his best version of a puppy dog face, probably one he had learned from Zac along the way because he was good at picking up traits from Zac.

"You know I can't resist you," Zac smiled as he pulled away from Harry more but as he did so he took his hand and lead him out of the club and Harry couldn't help the giddy feeling he had knowing that he and Zac were making a huge step and yeah it may have come from him being jealous but it was something. It would hopefully be one step in many steps they'd eventually take together.


	4. March 14, 2014- Las Vegas, Nevada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "You fucking tease."

Harry grinned like a Cheshire cat as he looked down at the initials that were now tattooed on his ring finger. ZWH. Zac's initials inked on to him for life just like Zac now had his and hopefully those initials would stand as a reminder to Zac now not to fuck up what they had.

"I just really like this tattoo," Harry finally spoke as he moved into Zac as they stood on the elevator. "Best tattoo I have."

Zac rolled his eyes as he leaned in to peck Harry on the lips. "Only tattoo you have," he spoke and Harry blushed but he pecked Zac's lips in return. "But I do like seeing my initials on you," he admitted as his arms slid around Harry's waist. "Lets the world know you're mine."

"Lets Patrick know I'm yours is what you mean," Harry spoke as he rested his head in Zac's neck after Zac had slid his arms around his waist. "To be honest I don't want him," he sighed out softly. "Only want you forever."

"You can have me forever," Zac replied though Harry deep down wasn't sure he believed him. "One day you will Harry and these tattoos are a promise of that. You and me together forever."

Grinning more Harry lifted his head as he heard the elevator doors open and he disentangled himself from Zac's arms before stepping off the elevator and waiting for Zac. Once Zac had stepped off though, Harry took a hold of his hand and lead him down the hallway to their room. A room he wanted to be in so he could show Zac just how much he wanted him.

Harry was sure he'd never want anyone more and that's why it killed him to doubt Zac's sincerity because he knew at this rate even with tattoos they may not be together forever and he'd be stuck with someone who he really didn't want as much. Someone who didn't make him as happy as Zac made him.

When they made it to their room as Zac shut the door, Harry toed off his shoes as he walked to the bed, waiting until Zac had done the same to reach out for him, bringing him closer. "I love you," he muttered as he now let his arms go around Zac's waist, holding him securely in place.

As he did so Harry half wished things could always be this simple. Him just holding Zac in place and never letting him stray though he knew it wasn't possible.

"I love you too," Zac smiled as he rested his head against Harry's forehead. "Your hair is really getting long you know," he spoke as he reached out to pull on the ends of Harry's hair. "Not as long as mine used to be or even is but still long."

"Is that a good thing?" Harry asked feeling a bit self-conscious because he just really wanted to please Zac.

Zac's smile grew at Harry's question, "I like your long hair," he answered as they locked eyes and Harry swore his insides turned to mush. "It's beautiful on you."

Blushing slightly Harry closed the tiny gap between them as he kissed Zac on the lips, softly at first but the longer they kissed the more passionate it became. It was literally almost like one of those movie kisses even if Harry wasn't sure their love was one for movie screens.

As they continued to kiss, Harry slowly pushed Zac down on the bed, falling over him as he did so which caused Zac to giggle in a cute way.

"Did you just giggle like a girl?" Harry asked as he pulled away and raised an eyebrow, seeing a blush painting Zac's cheeks now. 

Zac nodded his head, "I did," he confirmed which surprised Harry because Zac usually denied things that he did which he deemed too girly. "Did you find it hot or a turn off?" he asked his voice going seductive as he pulled Harry down for a chaste kiss though while the kiss was chaste there was nothing chaste about Zac rolling his hips up into Harry's own.

"Anything you do turns me on," Harry muttered into the kiss as he let his own hips roll down into Zac's which caused Zac to moan out. "I think you're kind of turned on too right now though," he spoke as his lips trailed down onto Zac's neck. "I can already feel how hard you are."

"I'm always hard for you," Zac said as he moaned again when Harry nipped at his skin. "Hard and always ready for you baby."

Laughing Harry nipped at Zac's neck again, "Those sound like they could be lyrics to an x-rated song," he mused as he let his hand slowly slide up Zac's shirt, feeling goosebumps beginning to form on Zac's skin. "You think Taylor would okay those lyrics to be used?" he asked teasingly before he pulled away to remove Zac's shirt, throwing it somewhere across the room.

Once Zac's shirt was gone Harry attached his lips back to Zac's neck, kissing it again as well as sucking on it because maybe besides the tattoo on Zac's hand he wanted to leave another reminder on Zac of who he belonged to. Whose he was and maybe it'd get Poppy to back the fuck off even if Zac was probably the one who was starting things between them.

Eventually when he was satisfied Harry let his lips trail from Zac's neck, down his body which again cause Zac to moan out, especially when Harry's mouth went to one of his nipples which he flicked with his tongue before taking it into his mouth and sucking on it.

"Fuck," Zac moaned out again as his hips lifted slightly. "Really would like your mouth somewhere else on my body but this is good too."

Pulling away Harry looked up at Zac with a mischievous little smirk, "Don't worry handsome. I'll get to your willie eventually," he winked before kissing his way over to Zac's other nipple and taking it into his mouth as well.

This time as he sucked on it he felt Zac tugging at his hair which made him hard because maybe Harry had a slight pain kink and maybe Zac knew this as well. Which meant Zac was playing dirty to speed things up and get what he wanted.

"My willie needs some attention now," Zac finally whined after a few more tugs on Harry's hair. "You fucking tease."

Harry smirked around Zac's nipple, though Zac's words didn't make him stop what he was doing. Instead they seemed to make him go slower just so he could tease Zac some more.

Though when all Zac was doing was whining, that was when Harry moved his mouth, kissing down Zac's chest and when he reached the waistband of his jeans he pulled away long enough to undo them before pushing them off along with the boxers that Zac had on.

"Have I ever said how much I love your cock?" Harry asked as he let his hands go around Zac's already very hard cock. "Like how big it is too," he added on as he pumped it a few times before leaning in and leaving a small kiss on the tip of it. "Such a beautiful cock for such a handsome man."

Moaning out louder, Zac once again reached a hand down and tugged on Harry's hair which made Harry shiver. "I think you compliment my cock every time you get a chance to suck it."

"It's because it deserves all the compliments," Harry said as he looked up and locked eyes with Zac before leaving several small kisses on the tip. "It deserves all the affection too," he muttered before finally opening his mouth and putting it over Zac's cock, an action that made the older man once again moan.

Keeping his eyes locked on Zac though, Harry began to move his mouth over Zac's cock slowly feeling Zac's grip on his hair getting harder which really that only made Harry that much more determined to tease him and draw this out. It was always fun to tease Zac sexually and he knew Zac could dish out the teasing as good as he got it.

"Fuck Haz," Zac muttered out as he pulled Harry's hair, his hips starting to thrust a bit with Harry's own movements. "You do such wonders with that mouth of yours."

Harry pulled away from Zac's cock, using his hand in it's place when Zac began to whimper, "I learned from the best," he winked before putting his mouth back over Zac and he continued to suck him at least until Zac started to show signs of being close. That was when Harry moved away again because he didn't want to make Zac come by a blow job.

"Not so fast babe," Harry spoke as he moved back up Zac's body, leaning in to kiss his lips briefly. "Wanna be inside you before you come," he said as he saw a smirk appear on Zac's lips. "You want my cock inside of you?" he asked softly as he moved away a bit to take his own shirt off, letting it join Zac's clothes on the floor.

"Do you even have to ask," Zac responded as he pulled Harry closer to him after his shirt was off. "You know I can never say no to having you inside of me just like you could never turn my cock down."

Rolling his eyes playfully Harry inched his head closer to Zac's. "Don't be so cocky Mr. Hanson," he said before laughing softly. "I may say no to your cock one day. Then what will you do huh?"

Zac paused as if he was contemplating his answer which only made Harry curious of what he'd respond with.

"I'll just fuck half the population until you agree to have my cock again," Zac finally spoke a grin plastered on his lips. "But let's be honest the only way you'd turn down my cock is if we broke up again and I'm not letting you go anymore. Not with the promise of our future inked on my hands."

Smiling though it was sort of a sad one, Harry leaned in to kiss Zac and once again try to forget his doubts and luckily for him the kissed worked because the moment their lips connected he got lost in the kiss. A kiss that well it felt different because Harry was sure Zac had never kissed him with this much passion before.

"I love you," Zac muttered out into the kiss as his hands went down to Harry's jeans which he undid and Harry lifted up to help Zac push them down.

After they were off though Zac pulled away as another grin played on his lips, "You're wearing a thong Harry Edward Styles," he spoke as if he was judging him though Harry knew from the grin he liked it. "A red thong at that."

"Red with hearts on it," Harry blushed as he looked down at his thong. "I picked it out just for you."

"Just for me?" Zac questioned as he raised an eyebrow. "So does that mean you had intentions of getting fucked tonight?"

Giving Zac an innocent look, Harry shrugged his shoulders, "Maybe," he whispered as he leaned in to peck Zac's lips briefly. "Or maybe I just planned to sleep in my red heart thong tonight," he laughed before kissing Zac longer again. "Take your pick really," he muttered out into his mouth before letting his hips roll down and both he and Zac moaned as their erections touched or well touched as best as they could with the only thing covering them being the flimsy material of the thong that Harry wore.

As they kissed this time Harry felt Zac removing his thong and after it was gone, Harry eventually maneuvered himself between Zac's legs, letting the tip of his cock rest at the entrance of Zac's opening.

"You sure you really want my cock?" he questioned as he pulled away and locked eyes with Zac who just fake glared which made Harry laugh as he finally pushed into Zac again causing both of them to moan out.

"Fuck you feel so good," Harry sighed as he leaned in to kiss Zac again. "Always so tight for me too," he muttered as he began to move inside Zac, feeling Zac slip a hand between them and he knew Zac was jerking himself on to the rhythm Harry was building with his thrusts.

Kissing Zac deeper Harry closed his eyes as he picked up the pace of his thrusts knowing that his own cock now needed relief because besides teasing Zac it seemed he had somehow teased himself too along the way and now damn it did he have a lot of sexual pent up frustration, though he figured some of his frustration was also do to Rosie telling him about Zac trying to get with her and Zac's blatant flirting with Poppy at the club tonight.

Opening his eyes again Harry looked down seeing Zac staring up at him and as they locked eyes Harry got the distinct feeling that they were more than likely a sinking ship but maybe, just maybe Zac could be the rope and he could be the anchor and they could save themselves or again they could also probably sink. Would sink.

Reaching down between them too Harry let his hand go over Zac's as he helped to pump him, his thrusts slowing as he felt himself getting closer to the edge and as he got closer he wanted to help bring Zac there too.

"Shit...Zac," Harry grunted out as he came inside Zac, his body shuddering as he pulled away from the kiss and buried his head into Zac's neck as finished up, feeling Zac also shuddering beneath him as a warm sticky substance coated his hand.

"That was...wow," Zac breathed out and Harry buried his head in Zac's neck more as he moved his hand away from his cock.

"It was amazing," Harry spoke because it kind of was even if he had let his doubts come out again there at the end. "Always amazing with you though. Only you," he sighed as he left a light kiss on Zac's neck.

He knew he'd eventually have to move out of Zac so they could both get cleaned up but right now Harry just wanted to bask in being this close with Zac. Being able to feel Zac's heartbeat slightly and maybe fool himself into thinking that things could always be this good.


	5. February 1, 2016- New York City, New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "If I loved him I wouldn't have been able to walk away from him a year ago today."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait between updates. This chapter was just being a pain on me. Hopefully you guys like it :).

** **

Harry frowned to himself as he sat on the hotel bed in New York, his eyes going to look at the ring he wore on his ring finger. A ring that was given to him by Patrick as a promise of their life together becoming permanent. A ring that tabloids correctly guessed was an engagement ring and a ring that also now covered the tattoo that was supposed to have meant a future with Zac. A future that was now no more.

"Harry," Patrick spoke and Harry came out of his thoughts as he turned his head, seeing Patrick wiping at his nose as he had been bent over the nightstand snorting what was left of their coke stash. A stash Harry knew they'd probably get more of tonight after the party his friends here in New York planned to throw for his twenty-second birthday. "You sure you were okay on passing with getting high today?" he asked as he leaned in to leave a peck on Harry's check. "You know it always gets you going when you take a few snorts," he muttered out as his lips went to Harry's ear which he nipped on playfully.

Harry shook his head as he gave Patrick a smile, "I really don't think it'd be a good idea to be high and horny when we go have dinner with my mom and step-dad to confirm our engagement," he said as he turned his head slightly, moving to peck his fiancee's lips. "But after my party tonight when we get more coke I'll get as high as a kite with you and fuck you into the mattress."

"Or you could let me fuck you for once," Patrick said as he gave Harry a smirk after Harry had pulled away. "You never let me fuck that pretty ass of yours."

Swallowing at Patrick's words, Harry had to look away from the man as he blushed. Though he knew Patrick was right, Harry didn't let Patrick fuck him, mainly because Harry as much as he swore he loved Patrick just wasn't ready to take that step even if he had taken a step in accepting Patrick's marriage proposal.

The only person who had ever been inside of him was Zac and as pathetic as it was he kind of wanted to keep it that way because deep down despite all the hurt that had happened Harry swore he still loved Zac. Even though in the end it had been Harry who had walked away from Zac on the day that Poppy had given birth to Zac's daughter. A daughter who was celebrating her first birthday today.

"Never really liked bottoming," Harry lied as he looked back at Patrick, surprised at just how easy the lie was. Truth be told he loved bottoming but again it was a huge step, allowing someone inside of him and he had to trust that person. Which probably meant it was fucked that he couldn't trust Patrick yet he had trusted Zac for so long. Let Zac inside him to just take away tiny pieces of him.

Patrick looked at Harry skeptically, like he didn't buy his words but he didn't question him which made Harry thankful. Instead Patrick just pouted but leaned in for another kiss, "Let's shower then, so we can get ready for that dinner with your parents, love," he sighed against Harry's lips. "I'll even blow you in the shower."

Laughing at that, Harry moved away looking as if he had to contemplate that before that look quickly turned into a smirk, "That sounds wonderful," he spoke before standing from the bed. "Now come on you fool, so you can suck my cock in the shower," he teased as he turned to head into the bathroom, hearing Patrick following behind him quickly. It never failed that sexual favors always got Patrick moving.  
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"Are you sure about this Harry?" Anne asked several hours later after she had stolen him away from the table in the fancy restaurant where he and Patrick had met her and Robin. "Marrying Patrick?"

Harry nodded his head as he gave his mother a tiny smile, "Why wouldn't I be sure about this?" he asked a question in return. "Don't you think if I wasn't sure that I would have said no?"

Anne clearly hesitated at that as she looked Harry over, her hand going to his as she slowly pushed the ring up slightly, his tattoo of Zac's initials showing now. "Maybe you wouldn't be so sure because you still love him," she answered plainly like she knew that as fact. "You still love Zac and I really don't get why you agreed to marry Patrick. I..I just can't believe that for once the tabloids were right about something regarding you."

Falling silent at that Harry chewed on his lip, not wanting to tell his mother that the tabloids were also right about him doing drugs, a thing that had started when he got back with Patrick just two short months after leaving Zac. The drug thing had started a month after their reunion when Patrick had said it would help Harry forget Zac.

It hadn't really helped Harry forget him. He still thought of Zac more than he should have but it numbed his feelings for a bit. Made him forget that he still missed Zac even after all this time but he had chosen to walk away so he deserved the pain even if he needed cocaine to numb things for a bit. He was allowed one bad vice for a pain he had brought on himself.

"The tabloids have to get things right eventually Mom," Harry laughed as he reached down to push the ring back over the tattoo, not wanting to see his lifetime reminder of Zac. A reminder that Patrick was trying to get him to remove and yet Harry remained stubborn in not removing it. "And I don't love Zac," he lied as he forced a smile, a smile which he doubted even reached his eyes. "If I loved him I wouldn't have been able to walk away from him a year ago today."

Shaking her head, Anne kept a strict gaze on Harry, "You walked away because you were tired of being hurt by him," she said and Harry knew she was reminding him of the reason he gave her for walking away. "You were convinced that Arabella would bring Zac and Poppy together."

"And she did," Harry replied knowing the last round of gossip about Zac had been pictures of him and Poppy leaving the hospital together after Arabella had been sick with an article on how their child's sickness had let them reunite and rekindle some spark that had been there and that Zac who at the moment had primary custody of Arabella was going to let Poppy have more than just one weekend with her daughter.

"Yeah, I'll believe it when Zac tells me that himself," Anne spoke her voice taking on a sarcastic tone. "He'd never lie to me about that. He knows I still hold out hope for you two and this engagement," she sighed a bit dramatically as she looked down at the ring on Harry's finger, "Is just a dent in the road."

Harry fell silent at his mom's words because he hadn't known she still talked to Zac. That they even still kept in touch. He had thought that ended too when Harry walked out of Zac's life but obviously it hadn't. Obviously his mother was still keeping in touch with the man that Harry had left for his own good.

"You still talk to him?" Harry asked though it was more stating the obvious. Stating what she had just told him herself.

Anne nodded her head with a smile plastered on her lips. "I have to keep tabs on my future son-in-law don't I?" she asked sounding a bit more chipper. "And he will be regardless of that thing," she said as she looked down at the ring on Harry's finger again. "Now let's head back. I don't want to keep Robin waiting and Patrick that good for nothing man is probably scared I convinced you to run off and leave him in the dust."

"Patrick isn't afraid of that," Harry said as he shook his head. "Patrick likes you even if you don't like him."

Anne laughed at that as she eyed her son, "Oh honey, you really are blind," she sighed heavily before turning and heading back to the table and Harry had no choice but to follow her silently.

When they got back to the table though Harry leaned in and pecked Patrick's lips almost as if he to prove a point to his mother. To prove that he loved Patrick and that Patrick wasn't just a dent in the road to getting back with Zac but that Patrick was his future, something that he had hoped the engagement ring would have proved.

Though then again just this morning he had, had his own thoughts so how could he really blame his mother for hers? But well he had to make sure they weren't true because Zac still wasn't good for him not with his still sleeping around which he was doing or had been doing until the magazines had all reported on his reunion with Poppy thanks to a sick Arabella.

"Everything okay?" Patrick asked softly only for Harry to hear after they parted from the kiss.

Nodding his head Harry forced a smile as he lovingly ran a finger across Patrick's bottom lip. "Fine and dandy," he responded even though it was a lie but he refused to tell Patrick about what his mom had said. He refused to make Patrick dislike his mom even if she was convinced that Patrick already did dislike her.

After saying that Harry fell silent again as he went back to eating his food, listening to Robin go into a story on something that had happened with Gemma last week.  
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Sighing as he looked over at Patrick after he had passed out from the sex and also probably from the drugs they had consumed, drugs they had bought after going to the club once dinner was over with his parents, Harry chewed on his bottom lip and he let his thoughts go back to what his mom had said.

How she seemed so sure that he'd get back with Zac and that Zac wasn't really with Poppy and Harry hated that a part of him, a tiny part of him wanted his mom to be right. He had been the one to walk away after all so of course he had to be stupid to want to go back to a life of empty promises but he did.

"Fuck," he whispered out harshly as he stood from the bed, slipping on a pair of boxers as he did so. "Just fuck," he spoke as he walked to where his cell phone was and he dialed Zac's number. A number he still knew by heart.

Putting the phone to his ear he knew it was going on three here and it was midnight in California but if he knew Zac like he thought he did, he suspected Zac would still be awake.

"Hello?" Zac's voice came through after the second ring and upon hearing Zac's voice Harry froze because he hadn't heard it personally in over a year and it still sounded the same and fuck if it didn't still make his heart skip a beat either. "Harry?" Zac questioned in Harry's silence. "I know it's you, Taylor gave me your new number and I put it in my phone. Why are you calling me so late?"

At Zac's question Harry moved the phone away from his ear and hung up quickly, hating that he hadn't said anything but well he had found when faced with Zac's voice he couldn't find any words to say. What words could you say to the man whose life you had walked out of?


	6. March 15, 2014- Las Vegas, Nevada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: It was almost tempting to call Isaac and cancel so that he could stay in and fuck his boyfriend senseless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I was blocked but I think I am semi unblocked and inspired again.

Zac awoke the next morning, finding himself tangled up with Harry and he couldn't help but smile at the younger boy sleeping beside him. A boy whose initials were now inked on his skin for good. It was a fact that well he kind of hoped it kept him from fucking things up again but even he had his doubts as much as he tried to act like he didn't.

He knew he loved Harry, that much was true and would always be true no matter what. Harry was the one thing he was sure of but regardless of his love for the boy he still had found temptation a hard thing to say no too. He was sure he and maybe Taylor too both got their man whore ways from their father. A man who was constantly cheating on their mom regardless of how much he swore he loved her.

It had only been when Zac was twelve that she had finally gotten the guts to leave after too many failed promises of him to stop and at the time he had been so in his mom's corner. But as he grew and realized he was slowly becoming like his dad it was really hard to hate the man, especially when he knew he loved Harry and yet he always hurt Harry by given into temptations that were hard to resist.

Though he hoped Harry never left him, that Harry kept his word and stood by him because he was sure if Harry left him he would probably make good on the sleeping with the whole population until Harry took him back again somehow. Because Harry was his soulmate, not the random people he cheated with. People in the end who really meant nothing to him and were just notches in his ever growing bedpost.

Coming out of his thoughts though, Zac slipped out of bed as he walked to his suitcase to get a pair of clean clothes out so he could shower quickly. He had promised Isaac they'd have breakfast together this morning and he actually wanted to make good on that because he was rarely with Isaac.

It was Taylor he spent the most time with but then again it was Taylor he was the most like so it was probably why he was usually the one Zac spent most of his time with when it came to his brothers.

After he had found his clothes he took another glance at Harry who was still sleeping and Zac couldn't help but smile again as he stood and walked to the bathroom. Yeah, he was really lucky to have Harry after everything that happened. After everything he always put Harry through.

Making it to the bathroom, Zac closed the door behind him as he laid his clothes on the sink before going to the shower which he turned on. Getting the water just the right temperature before stepping inside and letting out a sigh as the water hit him and he let himself relax slightly. Doing his best not to get his new tattoo wet.

Once he had washed off quickly, Zac got out and dried off before getting dressed and leaving the bathroom. Stopping when he saw Harry sitting up in the bed and giving him a confused look.

"It's eight in the morning," Harry stated his voice still sounding like it did when he just woke up. "How are you already up and dressed?"

Zac laughed though a blushed appeared on his cheeks even if he knew Harry's words had some meaning. Most days especially days they had off he was prone to sleep in until at least noon and sometimes a bit later.

"I made plans to have breakfast with Isaac at a diner just up the road," he admitted as he looked at Harry seeing a bit of apprehension on Harry's face and he knew what it was. Harry was afraid it wouldn't just be Isaac.

"Just Isaac?" Harry asked voicing what Zac had suspected he was thinking. "Or are Poppy and Rosie gonna be there too?"

Zac nodded his head as he locked eyes with Harry, "Just Isaac," he answered and he hoped Harry believed him because he was being honest. "I think he just wants to be a big brother to me since he rarely is."

That last comment seemed to make Harry laugh before he fell back against the mattress. "Don't have too much fun with Isaac."

"Trust me, I won't," Zac replied before turning to leave the hotel room. Grabbing the room key on his way. "I love you H," he called out once he made it to the door of the room and he turned to look at Harry again briefly, liking the way Harry looked all sprawled out on the bed while naked.

It was almost tempting to call Isaac and cancel so that he could stay in and fuck his boyfriend senseless.

"I love you too Zac," Harry smiled at him and Zac was sure he felt something inside of him flutter and he wasn't sure if it was his heart or even just butterflies forming but something fucking fluttered and he almost hated being so sappy right now and really all morning.

Zac had never really been a sappy person before but today, especially after having Harry's initials on his skin. Well he was really sappy.

Returning Harry's smile, Zac finally turned around and soon exited the room as his stomach growled and he knew he would be glad for breakfast even if it was with Isaac and even if he still had much rather canceled to have sex with Harry. At least his stomach could thank him later.  
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Sitting in the diner with Isaac after they had ordered, Zac chewed his lip briefly as he once again caught Isaac staring down at the tattoo on his hand. Something he had been doing ever since they had met in the hotel lobby and walked to the diner.

"You have a problem Ike?" Zac asked finally, watching as Isaac blushed and looked at him and maybe his tone shouldn't have been so harsh but he half felt that Isaac was judging him for his tattoo.

Isaac shook his head no though his blush remained, "Just surprised at your tattoo, I guess," he spoke as he he shrugged his shoulders. "I think getting Harry's initials on your ring finger is kind of a ballsy move considering the history you two have."

Zac now felt himself blushing at Isaac's words and he had to look away from his brother. "You mean because I cheat on him a lot?" he asked before finally looking back at Isaac, a bit afraid of what Isaac would say now.

"Basically," Isaac confirmed with the nod of his head. "I mean aren't you going to be shitty the first time you cheat on him with that on your finger," he asked as he pointed down at the tattoo. "Knowing you have him and still fucking someone else and having that remainder of Harry at all times while you fuck someone else."

Zac felt his cheeks getting hotter at Isaac's words but before he could answer the waiter came back to the table with their food and Zac used the brief reprieve to think of how he'd answer Isaac or well not really think but more like decide how to word his response because sometimes he was shit at letting people know what he meant.

Even though he was in a band and wrote music he still sometimes just sucked at expressing himself properly.

"I'm not going to cheat on Harry again," Zac finally spoke as he smiled or did the best he could to smile. "I know I've said that before but I mean it now," he said as he picked up his fork and took a bite of the strawberry covered waffle that he had ordered.

"And what makes you suddenly mean it now?" Isaac asked with a bit of judgement in his tone. Judgement Zac knew he deserved.

Taking another bite of his waffle, Zac leaned over and sipped some of his orange juice up through the straw. Again a diversion tactic in answering Isaac. "Because I can see a future with him," he smiled a bit sadly because hadn't their father also been able to see a future with their mom and yet he had kept cheating too. "I see us owning a house and raising a baby or two or three and getting married and I don't want to be like dad anymore. I want to change."

"You aren't like dad," Isaac dismissed Zac's words in between bites of his own food. "If anyone is like dad it's Taylor."

Zac laughed at that, "Taylor and I both are. We both have slept around but Taylor's better at controlling it. Finally seems to have settled down now that he's with Alex and they are raising Huck and Ruby when Ginny doesn't have them."

"I think it's just because Taylor knows Alex has threatened to write worse songs about him then Ginny has," Isaac teased which made Zac laughed. "Trouble with falling in love with songwriters. Probably a good thing neither Ginny or Alex are in our band."

"Sucks for me Harry is," Zac added on though he was thankful that with all of his cheating Harry still hadn't written songs about him. "Good thing for you Maisie isn't even a songwriter. She's just a model. How do you not get caught cheating though?" he asked knowing that while Isaac did cheat he had never been to the extremes like Zac or like Taylor when Taylor had been married to Ginny.

Isaac let out a sigh at that, "Because I only do it with one person each tour," he admitted softly. "I find one groupie and I fly them out to a few shows and then once the tour is done I end things with the promise they won't tell."

"And they don't," Zac commented knowing none of his conquests had told. "They all probably think you're too nice."

"I am," Isaac defended though Zac knew from his tone he wasn't really upset. "But you really want a future with Harry? A house and children and marriage."

Zac nodded his head as he smiled sheepishly, "Yeah, I do," he said knowing he had always told Harry as much but last night while getting the tattoo on his hand it was like that promise of forever had become a bit more real and he could now see it so clearly. Even picturing the house they'd share because his tiny apartment with just a mattress on the floor of their bedroom wasn't going to be enough.

"Then you are going to have to really watch yourself," Isaac warned him and hell Zac knew that. "Maybe once the tour is over go to some sort of sex counseling or something."

"You make it sound like I have an addiction," Zac spoke but deep down sometimes he did wonder. He wondered if he had an addiction to sex and that was why he cheated even when he loved Harry.

He also wasn't sure though if he could wait until the end of tour. Not when even if he wanted to be faithful he was sexually attracted to both of the Lancaster sisters and while Rosie had already turned him down he knew from last night and dancing with Poppy that she was willing.

She was willing but he'd have to be strong and not flirt or give in. Try to not cheat for the things he wanted and god did he want them bad. He didn't want to screw them up and lose Harry because if he did, he had a feeling Harry would just run to Patrick and stay there for good this time.

Harry did seem to love him, that much Zac had saw from photographs and a part of him didn't even blame the fans for shipping Harry with Patrick more than they shipped him with Zac. Though Zac swore Patrick was probably still bad for him if the media had been right in his drug filled past. 

But Zac had done his fair share of drugs too. It came with the lifestyle but at least he could limit himself to how much coke he shoved up his nose or how much pot he smoked. 

"You ready?" Isaac asked as his voice broke through Zac's thoughts and Zac turned to look at him before biting his lip.

"I think I have to go to the bathroom first," Zac said as he reached into his pocket for his wallet. "How about you go pay and head back to the hotel while I go to the bathroom. Then I'll be on my way back," he finished as he handed Isaac his part of the bill.

Isaac just nodded his head and after he took the money from Zac, Zac watched him stand up and leave before Zac quickly put his wallet in his pocket and stood up to head to the bathroom.  
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Exiting the bathroom after washing his hands, Zac walked through the diner and he was almost to the door when he heard someone call out his name and as he stopped and turned he smiled a bit when he came face to face with Poppy.

"Poppy," Zac spoke surprised she was here all alone. "Rosie didn't want to come?"

Poppy shook her head, "She texted me and told me no because she was still hungover," she laughed as she batted her eyelashes at Zac and Zac gulped slightly because he knew she was flirting. Unlike Rosie, Poppy was interested in him and he was sure Poppy was going to be a fire he had to stay away from if he wanted to stay faithful to Harry.

"You leaving?" Poppy asked in Zac's silence and the way she asked that, Zac knew what would probably be next out of her mouth. "You could sit and keep me company while I finish my pancakes and scrambled eggs," she said as she looked down briefly at the meal in front of her. "Better than eating alone."

Zac sighed softly at her offer before shaking his head, "I should really probably head back to the hotel. Harry is probably up and waiting for me," he said knowing that Harry usually liked to sight see on their last days in cities when they had the time.

Poppy laughed lightly at Zac's words, "Oh come on Zac," she stated and Zac had a feeling Poppy was stubborn. "Harry can wait a bit, I'm sure," she smirked almost like she knew something that Zac didn't know. "Please stay and keep a friend company," she finished before pouting.

It was when she pouted that Zac knew he was screwed too. He could never turn someone down when they pouted at him regardless of who they were.

"I wouldn't call us friends just yet," Zac told her as he finally sat down in the booth across from her. "We only met five days ago."

"But you still want to sleep with me, no matter how long we just met," Poppy smirked as well as sounding confident and Zac blushed, especially when he watched as Poppy took a few bites of her food as she eyed the tattoo on his finger. "Though that will probably be a little awkward when we do have sex."

Blushing more Zac moved his hand under the table, "I love Harry," he said wanting to make that clear to her.

"I know," Poppy nodded as she once again smirked. "But I'm sure I can change that eventually and I'm sure you'll let me."

Zac swallowed hard as he moved around at the table, feeling a bit uncomfortable now with her words and the way she was looking at him like he was some prize to win.

"I've been a fan of yours for awhile now Zac," Poppy admitted in his silence. "Always daydreamed about having you and now that I've met you and I know you want me sexually thanks to the things you were muttering in my ear as we danced...I'm going to get you."

"I love Harry," Zac stated again as he shook his head, almost wishing he had, had more control over his tongue last night. He knew when he was drunk he had a tendency to be an even bigger asshole with his flirting and he did vaguely remember some of the things he had said to her.

How he would like to have a taste of her, how he wished they could have just went to the club bathroom and fucked then and there. How he bet she had a to die for orgasm face.

"You love him but the thrill of cheating on him is better, isn't it Zac?" Poppy asked as she locked eyes with Zac and Zac wanted to argue that no it wasn't. He usually hated himself for it even during the actual act of it.

But Zac couldn't speak up and he was rendered silent, a fact that Zac suspected Poppy took as him agreeing with her.

"I really should go," Zac sighed as he shook his head and as he went to move from his seat he froze in place as he watched the diner doors open and Rowan, Taylor's nanny walked in with Harry trailing behind, holding Huck and Ruby's hands.

Though Harry must have felt Zac's stare because he looked up from the kids, the smile that was on his face falling instantly when he saw Zac at the same table as Poppy.

"Oh, did I forget to tell you that I saw Rowan before I left," Poppy started almost sounding like she was gloating. "He told me he had practically begged Harry to come to breakfast with him and the kids, mainly because Ruby wanted to have breakfast with her Uncle Harry."

Zac who had listened to Poppy had to bite his tongue to keep from telling her off, because now everything made sense. She had literally set him up to be caught here with her by Harry.

Shaking his head, Zac heaved a sigh as he kept his eyes on Harry who was still just frozen in place with Taylor's kids and Zac knew from his face that things were fucked right now between them and he hadn't even done anything deliberately this time.

But of course Harry probably did suspect that he had lied this morning now.

Seeing Harry finally bend down to the kids height and tell them something before turning to leave, Zac took that as his cue to move from the table he was at. Ignoring the way Rowan glared at him judgmentally as they passed each other.

"Harry!" Zac called out once he made it outside and he could see Harry walking up the sidewalk to the hotel so he quickened his pace to catch up. "Baby please," he stated once he was a bit closer. "Don't do this," he pleaded not wanting the silent treatment from Harry.

He wanted to explain himself even if they were on the sidewalk in the middle of the Las Vegas strip.

"Harry just please let me explain," Zac tried again as he got even closer to Harry and that seemed to get Harry to slow down and finally turn to look at Zac.

"Don't," Harry gritted out as he shook his head. "Don't explain yourself because I really don't want to hear it," he stated and as Zac looked him over he could tell that Harry was close to tears. "I get tired of your excuses every time you lie to me and I don't want them right now. I don't even want to look at you right now. I just want to go back to the hotel and get my stuff out of the room and then get my own room. At least now you won't have to lie about spending time with Poppy to my face. She can be in the room all night and you don't have to worry about making up an excuse until after," he replied back his words and tone harsh and cutting Zac like a knife.

"I was really fucking stupid to even agree to this last night," Harry muttered before looking down at his tattoo. "Stupid for having a tiny sliver of hope it would change things too," he said as he shook his head before turning on his heels and walking away and this time as he walked away Zac just let him, knowing he needed to give Harry time to cool off and maybe then Harry would let him explain what happened. That for once he hadn't lied or messed things up.


	7. February 8, 2016- Los Angeles, California

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Zac?" Harry hissed out a bit softly when he reached Zac, ignoring the paparazzi as well who were now hurling questions at him too.

"What do you mean you can't?" Zac asked or more like whined into the phone he held to his ear. "You know this is going to be uncomfortable for me right?"

"I know," Taylor sighed and Zac could almost see him shaking his head but feeling no pity because that's just how Taylor was. "But Alex is out of town and both kids are sick with the flu and it's my week with them and I can't do it."

Zac let out a sigh of his own as he looked over at Arabella who was in her highchair, making a mess of the baby food she was trying to feed herself but was in all actuality missing her mouth and getting on her pajamas and somehow in her hair as well.

"This is going to be uncomfortable for me," Zac said again as he shook his head. He knew Taylor probably knew that, had even acknowledged it the first time but Zac wanted to remind him again.

"I know Zac," Taylor finally stated sounding a bit annoyed. "But you'd have to see each other anyway when we start writing in two days anyway. Might as well rip the band aid off and see him when you pick him up at the airport."

"And Isaac can't do it?" Zac asked knowing he was trying to find any solution to avoid seeing Harry because he knew that would go horribly well. It had been a year and Harry had just walked out of his life. Though last week after he had just gotten Arabella to bed Harry had called him, which of course Zac had found odd, mainly because he had been wondering about calling Harry himself that day but hadn't.

Then Harry had just hung up before saying anything which meant that regardless of calling him he still didn't want to talk to Zac. Wanted to avoid him for as long as he could which hurt but again Zac knew he deserved it after everything that had happened between them.

"Isaac and Maisie don't get back from Hawaii until tomorrow," Taylor spoke and of course somehow Zac had forgot that Isaac and his wife were out of town celebrating their anniversary. "You're going to have to be the one to pick Harry up and break the news to him that until the kids are better and my house is fumigated from sick germs that he is going to have to stay at a hotel."

"Fine," Zac muttered as he gave in, knowing there was no other option. "But when Harry balks and gets back on a plane to New York City instead of getting in a car with me, well don't blame me for it," he said before offering a goodbye to Taylor and hanging up.

Laying his phone down on the table, Zac stood up as he walked to the high chair, a smile on his lips when Arabella looked up at him with her big brown eyes. "Come on little darling," he said as he lifted her up from the high chair after loosening the tray. "Gonna have to bathe you and get you all clean so we can go pick up an old friend of daddy's."

Arabella just babbled as she laid her head on Zac's shoulder as he carried her out of the kitchen and down the hall to the downstairs bathroom.

"Yeah I know I don't want to go either," Zac laughed as he held her a bit more firmly as they made it into the bathroom. "I'm stubborn just like you are stubborn in saying your first word," he smiled as he sat her down long enough to turn the water on and put the stopper in. "I think that's just a normal Hanson trait though. Being stubborn people," he continued as he turned the water off before turning back to her.

Seeing Arabella just look at him with a confused look, Zac shook his head and picked her up again. Getting her out of her dirty clothes before putting her in the tub. He was half lucky that thanks to this last minute change of plans he still had time to get both him and Arabella ready for the day and the trip to the airport.

An airport that would probably be busy and crowded and the minute Harry spotted him in it instead of Taylor, Harry probably really would jet set right back to New York and to Patrick.  
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Arriving at the airport almost exactly two hours after getting off the phone with Taylor, Zac who had parked his truck, got out before going to the back and getting Arabella out as well, a smile gracing his lips as he held her to his hip and watched as she looked around in fascination.

"I know baby girl," he sighed as he started to walk with her. "You don't really get to go to busy places much do you," he spoke as he frowned.

It wasn't that he wanted to keep Arabella inside or away from a lot of places but he just wanted to keep his daughter away from the paparazzi and press. Something he knew that Poppy wouldn't have done if she had custody but she didn't have custody. Poppy had let him take over physical custody when it became apparent that she couldn't live the partying lifestyle that she had wanted to live and also when it became apparent that while she loved Arabella it apparently wasn't enough to care for her well being...enough to want her with her at all times. Enough to keep her safe because Poppy had driven drunk with her and got into a wreck that could have almost killed them both. That had been what had broke the camel's back per say.

So Zac had been given his daughter and he was content in raising her. Though he did on the weekends he had her use a nanny so that he could go out and party still and find a nice fuck because he felt he deserved it and like Poppy had said a week ago on Arabella's birthday, maybe it filled a void he had since Harry left. A void that not even Arabella could fix.

Coming out of his thoughts though as he stepped into the airport, Zac let his grip on Arabella tighten as he walked towards the arrivals section and the moment he got there, he rolled his eyes when just like he had suspected and feared there was already a group of paparazzi standing there, awaiting Harry's arrival.

Zac also knew they were there at Harry's own doing because over the past year but more so the past few months it was becoming increasingly apparent Harry or someone close to him was calling the paparazzi for him with as many times as he happened to be caught. Too many times..more than he had ever been caught with Zac.

It was almost like how Zac suspected that Poppy herself had called them that time Arabella had been in the hospital with an ear infection, though of course Poppy still denied it but Zac knew he didn't call them and the people at that hospital had never called them before the few times Zac had, had to take Arabella there for minor things.

Hearing a person say his name out loud, Zac looked up in time to see that the paparazzi had spotted him and where now turned towards him, taking pictures. The flashes bright enough that they made Arabella squirm in his arms as she did her best to hide her face in his neck.

But as they started calling out questions, asking if he was here and waiting for Harry, Arabella began to whimper and Zac had to bounce her as he just ignored the questions being thrown at him.

Though what he really wanted to do was to tell these people to fuck off because they were scaring his daughter and that it was none of their business if he was here waiting for Harry.

Staying silent Zac just did his best to look away from them as he watched intently as people kept walking out of the arrivals part and the moment he noticed a familiar figure heading in the direction of where he was standing, he felt as if the world had frozen even if he himself had not frozen thanks to having to keep Arabella moving up and down on his hip so that she wouldn't get too cranky with all the people surrounding them and taking pictures.

As he looked at Harry who it seemed had slowed down once he got near to where Zac was, taking in the scene that it was Zac and not Taylor waiting for him. Zac just swallowed hard and still felt as if the world was frozen.

Harry still looked the same, though Zac wasn't sure he expected much to change in a year really. Harry's hair was probably the only difference. It was a tiny bit longer, the ends curling slightly. He was still just as breathtaking as Zac remembered and Zac was sure somewhere inside his heart had probably been kicked because this beautifully breathtaking man wasn't his anymore.

"Zac?" Harry hissed out a bit softly when he reached Zac, ignoring the paparazzi as well who were now hurling questions at him too. "What are you doing here?" he asked though his tone was a more of an I don't want you here instead of the words he actually said and they hurt Zac but he did his best to ignore them.

He wasn't going to show his weakness to Harry and a bunch of photographers at the same time. He'd be strong.

Before he could answer Harry though, Arabella decided to let out a much louder cry. Mainly because Zac had stopped moving with her and so all she had to distract her from the paparazzi was Zac's neck and that clearly wasn't enough.

"C..can you....will you just follow me outside?" Zac asked almost unable to find the words to speak. "I'll explain things in the car."

After he had asked that, he cocked an eyebrow up as he looked at Harry expectantly, wondering what Harry would chose to do.


	8. February 8, 2016- Los Angeles, California

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Guess I have a hard time letting go of things," Zac answered before heading inside and Harry followed behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight wait between chapters. I hope you guys like this one even though I'm not too fond of the ending it is what it is though :).

Harry who had been startled by the loud cry, looked down at Zac's arms almost surprised to see the baby girl there. A baby girl that he knew was Zac's daughter and somehow in all the emotions and feelings of seeing Zac here instead of Taylor he had missed the fact that Zac had Arabella with him.

When Zac asked if Harry would go outside with him and that he'd explain things in the car, Harry wasn't dumb and he knew why Zac was asking. He was asking because of the crying child in his arms. A child who clearly seemed overwhelmed at the flashing lights and the men who held the cameras. Men who clearly didn't care that they were scaring her.

"Yeah, I'll go with you outside," Harry agreed with a simple nod of his head.

He wasn't heartless and while he wanted answers as to why Zac instead of Taylor was here to pick him up at the airport, he wouldn't subject the crying baby girl to something she clearly didn't want. Nor did she really need it either.

Seeing Zac give him a relieved sort of smile, Harry just went silent after that, holding his bags close to him as he followed Zac outside and most of the way there they were hounded by the paparazzi. Paparazzi who would probably sell these pictures immediately because they would probably be worth a lot of money.

He and Zac in the same place for the first time in a year. The first time since Harry had walked out of his life and ended their relationship.

Harry knew gossip magazines and sites would eat this up as would their fans. Though Patrick whenever he saw them would probably not like them. That was why whenever Harry could he'd have to try to send him a text in advance. A text warning him about the pictures and that Zac, not Taylor had been the one here to pick him up at the airport.

A surprise that Harry really could have done without because seeing Zac since walking away from him the day that Arabella had been born. It hurt more then he had thought it would. Even if he had left for a good reason, to protect himself because he had known Poppy and Zac would get back together and though it may have taken some time, if the pictures of them leaving the hospital together after Arabella's sickness and the accompanying articles were true then they had.

Regardless of whatever Zac had supposedly told his mom since he still talked to her.

When they did reach Zac's car, Harry was a bit relieved that somehow they had lost the paps along the way. Though in a way it was also kind of weird because now he was all alone with Zac and his daughter and he almost wasn't sure what to do.

"You can put your stuff in the back," Zac spoke as he pointed to the back of his truck, "or well your guitar at least. Your bags can go in the back with Arabella."

Harry only nodded his head in response, wanting to obviously prolong the silence on his end a bit longer. So while Zac went and put Arabella in her car seat in the backseat of his truck. Harry went to the back where he slipped his guitar case into the truck bed, making sure it was secure before moving and going to the opposite side of the truck to put his two duffle bags in the space beside Arabella's car seat.

A task that was easy and quick and left him getting in the passenger side of the truck at the same time that Zac got in the driver's side. An action that Harry couldn't help but wonder if maybe Zac had planned. If he hadn't prolonged buckling Arabella all the way in just so he could get in the vehicle at the same time as Harry and explain things.

Explain why he and his daughter were at the airport instead of his brother whom Harry had been expecting and whom Harry would kill when he had the chance.

"Taylor's kids are sick with the flu," Zac finally spoke after a few moments of silence but even as he spoke to Harry, Harry noticed the way Zac wouldn't even look at him. As if looking at him would hurt and maybe it did. In the end even with all the hurt Zac had done to Harry it had been Harry who walked away and ended things for good. "Alex is out of town too so he couldn't come."

Harry could only nod his head because deep down he understood Taylor's reasons for not being there.

"Isaac couldn't come?" Harry asked softly knowing he would have preferred anyone to Zac in the long run. Anyone else would have been less awkward.

Zac shook his head as he finally turned to look at Harry, "He and Maisie are in Hawaii and don't come back until tomorrow. I asked Taylor the same thing," he revealed, his words letting Harry know he didn't want to be here just as much as Harry didn't want him here. "Taylor said it's also best you find a hotel until his house is fumigated of germs."

"Of course he did," Harry replied back a bit sarcastically. "Just..just drive while I call around and try to find the best hotel in Los Angeles to stay at last minute," he muttered out as he reached into the pocket of his jeans to get his phone.

"You could just stay with me," Zac blurted out as he started up his truck and from the way he paused after doing it, Harry could tell it was a slip up he hadn't meant to say out loud.

He had probably meant to think it but his mouth fired it off before his brain could stop him. It was something Zac did a lot and Harry hated that he knew so much about how Zac worked. Especially when he was still trying to learn how Patrick, his fiancee worked.

Harry shook his head, "I can't stay with you," he spoke sounding final on his decision as he connected to the mobile on his phone so that he could get numbers to hotels to try to at least get a room for a few days. 

Anywhere even if it wasn't the best hotel would probably be better than staying at Zac's house because if things felt awkward now, with just them in a car together, well Harry would hate to see what it was like if they had to stay under the same roof until Taylor's kids got better and his house was germ free.

"If you say so," Zac muttered under his breath as he pulled out of his parking space and his words gave Harry a slight pause.

His initial offer may have not been meant to be said aloud but it did seem Zac was at least feeling better about the idea of Harry staying with him then what Harry was feeling.  
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"You know the offer still stands to stay with me," Zac spoke an hour later after Harry had tried all the hotels he could think of. Never really settling on one because he didn't like the price of them.

Because no matter how much had changed in a year with the people he hung out with or the bad habits he had picked up, he was still cheap on most things. Except his drugs, he was never cheap on those.

Harry heaved a sigh as he glanced at Zac again, having avoided doing so during the time he was looking for hotels and Harry was ready to deny him, telling him he would just try the cheap ones now even if they weren't the best.

But Zac's daughter chose then to show her presence in the car.

"Dada hungry," Arabella spoke all soft and it was apparent from the sleepy sound in her tone that she had been able to nap during their aimless hour of driving.

Probably the hecticness of the airport had gotten to her and wore her out and just hearing that she was hungry, Harry knew he was going to cave to what Zac had suggested because he wasn't going to make Zac drive his hungry daughter around any longer than he had too.

Children had and still were Harry's weakness and it seemed Arabella was no different even after only really being in her presence for such a short period of time. Even if she was a reminder of all Harry would never have with Zac and all that Poppy could have with him.

A family and the white picket fence house.

"I'll stay at your place," Harry spoke with a hurried nod of his head, watching as a tiny smile grew on Zac's lips. A smile that somehow still had the ability to make Harry all warm inside even if he wished it didn't. "Only until Taylor's place is germ free or until Valentine's Day, whichever comes first."

"Valentine's day?" Zac questioned before turning to look at Arabella briefly. "You want nuggets from McDonald's? Daddy will cut them up for you when we get home baby girl."

"Pwease," Arabella pleaded before Harry could answer Zac and just the way she said the word Harry had to look back, seeing her pouting with her lip all stuck out.

At least it seemed she took after Zac a lot, not only in looks but also in how she acted. Though if he looked close enough he could see Poppy too and that unsettled him. 

Then again a lot of things with Zac unsettled him since being reunited with him after a year. Though Harry figured it was best getting the first meeting after a year over with now instead of when they went back into the studio to write and record.

He wanted their last album as a band to be a success and not tank because of all the shit that had went down between him and Zac. Taylor and Isaac deserved that much.

"Patrick's coming to visit me for Valentine's Day," Harry informed Zac as he finally answered the question that Zac had posed. "Couldn't find time to come out to California with me now because he has a busy schedule of modeling shows overseas for the next few months but he did find time to see me on Valentine's day."

"Oh," Zac muttered out and Harry turned back to look at him, seeing that his body had visibly stiffened and it was then that Harry knew Patrick was still a sore subject for Zac. Had been after the first time Harry dated him and still was now that Harry had went back to him.

After that though, the truck seemed to fall silent as Zac drove to the nearest McDonald's to get Arabella's nuggets and Harry chewed his lip hard as he listened to Zac order the usual stuff that they too both got from here.

Of course Zac would just go ahead and order for him. It was how it went in the old days but they weren't in those anymore. Those days had ended when Harry walked out of the hospital the day Arabella had been born.

Though Harry knew now wasn't the best time to confront Zac on ordering for him and maybe this was one battle he could just let slide, mainly because it was just a habit and habits were hard to break.

Harry knew that well with his own drug habit he had now and he knew that from all the times Zac had cheated on him when they had been together and he always promised to stop.

Harry had taken him back out of habit and Harry guessed deep down that Zac probably had cheated out of habit too. That maybe the gossip magazines which now ran articles on all the people he slept with since his breakup were right when they talked to therapists who said it seemed like Zac had some sort of sex addiction.

Maybe he had always had it and it had been what had drove the huge fucking wedge between them. The one that had made Harry insecure and afraid of being cheated on by him. One that had made him even more afraid once Poppy had gotten pregnant and the threat of Zac wanting that happy family with her instead of Harry hung over their relationship as her pregnancy progressed.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once they had finally arrived at Zac's house, Harry waited until Zac parked his truck in the garage to get out and as he did, he walked to the bed of the truck where his guitar was and he got that first before going to the back and getting his bags.

"Kind of surprised you still live here," Harry admitted as he looked at Zac who was getting Arabella out of her car seat. "The house we bought together after the last tour ended," he sighed knowing they had bought this place just weeks before finding out Poppy was pregnant.

It was supposed to have symbolized a new beginning for them. A place where they would settle down and raise a family one day and in the end it was a failed dream. 

Zac only shrugged as he closed the door of the truck once he had Arabella snug on his hip.

"Guess I have a hard time letting go of things," Zac answered before heading inside and Harry followed behind him. "It's still the house I want to live in and raise a family in," he said once they made it inside and he put Arabella down on the floor. "Even if you know, you walked away from that dream it's still mine for one day."

Going silent at Zac's words, Harry looked down not sure what to say to that because didn't Zac grasp why he had walked away? He had left because he knew how things would have played out if he stayed.

Zac would have left him for Poppy or wound up cheating again because that's just how their love story went. They would never have the happy ending they wanted together.

Hearing Zac heave a sigh Harry finally looked back up at him.

"Can you watch Arabella long enough for me to run out and get the food?" he asked as the locked eyes. "She's one and trying to walk and she moves everywhere and grabs a hold of everything. Don't need her making a mess in the few minutes it takes me to run outside to my truck."

"S..sure," Harry nodded and after he spoke he watched Zac turn to leave and once Zac was gone, Harry turned to Arabella who was on the floor just looking up at him.

Giving her a smile he bent down to her level as he laid his bags and guitar on the floor, "Hello little miss," he spoke as he reached out to pick her up, surprised when she didn't throw a fit. "You look just like your daddy which is probably a good thing," he laughed as he held her to him as he stood up and began to walk through the house, a house he still felt like he knew well enough.

A house that had once been his home for a short period of time. Months anyway.

As he walked though, he came to a stop when he made it to the living room and he was surprised to find it still full of pictures of him and of Zac. Together and separately and again he was surprised that Zac had kept these pictures out just like he was surprised that Zac had kept this house even.

He would have thought Zac would want the reminders of what had been gone, especially since it would no longer be.

Hearing footsteps, Harry came out of his thoughts as he saw Zac come into the living room.

"Told you I had trouble letting things go," Zac spoke before Harry could even question him. "At least harder than you do," he frowned as his eyes landed on the diamond ring that Harry was wearing. The engagement ring that Patrick had given him. "Congratulations by the way," he finished though his words sounded bitter.

"T..thanks," Harry said and again his voice got stuck on him as he nodded his head and walked back to the kitchen. The tension between him and Zac still just as thick as he expected it to be if not more now.

He was sure before the night was up he'd have to find a way to take something just to get the edge off and relax.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night as Zac put Arabella to bed, Harry snuck outside to the back porch after putting his stuff away in the guest room and while on the back porch he snorted what little cocaine he had been able to sneak with him. Knowing that he'd have to buy a new stash soon.

After he had snorted up and the effects of the drug began to take effect on him, Harry heard the back door open and he turned to look at Zac from where he was sitting in a chair on the porch, watching as Zac sat down in a chair beside him.

"You're high," Zac spat out as he shook his head only having to take one glance at Harry to know and it made Harry blush.

"Like you have any right to judge me," Harry shot back knowing Zac did drugs too. It was the one thing that remained the same every time someone went to gossip magazines in the past year to tell about their sexual liaison with Zac.

They'd tell how they met at a club and drank before doing cocaine and after they did cocaine they'd then leave together and come back to this very home and proceed to have sex or do cocaine again and then have sex.

Zac shook his head again at Harry's words, "I do drugs you're right, I can't judge you on that but I also only do them on nights when my daughter is with a baby-sitter or at her mom's house when Poppy gets visitation. I don't do them when I have her because I don't want to be like her mother. I don't want her to see me or my friends high out of our minds. I don't want to put her in danger."

"And you think I'd put your daughter in danger?" Harry asked feeling a bit like Zac's words had stung him. "I'd never.."

"I know you'd never endanger her or any kid," Zac cut Harry off. "I just am going to ask you to refrain from using when you're at my house for the time being. I mean unless that's too hard for you?" he asked and there was an edge to Zac's tone like he knew just how bad Harry's drug use had gotten.

Like he knew Harry craved the drug he snorted up more often than not. That Harry needed that drug to get through most of his days.

Now it was Harry who shook his head, "It won't be too hard for me," he spoke but even he doubted his own words. "It won't," he added on again when he saw Zac giving him a skeptical look.

"I hope not Harry," Zac sighed with a frown before standing up. "I'm going in and going to bed. You can stay out here for as long as you want but lock up when you come in," he nodded as he turned to head inside. "Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight Zac," Harry replied back before heaving a long and loud sigh as he sat back in the chair, his hand running through his long hair.

He wasn't sure in the end he had made the right decision to stay here but hopefully it wouldn't be for too long. If it was he was sure he'd end up killing Zac or going back on his word of not using in Zac's house.


	9. March 19, 2014- Seattle, Washington

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Cat got your tongue there Harold?"

"You really should talk to him," Taylor spoke as he stood in the hotel lobby with Harry. Both of them waiting on Isaac and Zac to come down so they could leave for a radio interview they had. "It's been four days of the silent treatment from you and he's getting insufferable."

Harry crossed his arms over his chest, "Good for him then, he deserves it," he stated honestly feeling Zac deserved to be insufferable and miserable.

"Maybe he does but I don't nor do I need him getting in the way of mine and Alex's sex life since he refuses to have his own room," Taylor continued to plead Zac's case to Harry.

A case that was almost falling on deaf ears because Harry really was getting fed up with the way that Zac treated him. Claiming to love him but lying repeatedly and cheating repeatedly. It was enough to make Harry feel like all Zac could do was lie.

Lie and cheat and that maybe he didn't love Harry. Was incapable of love or something. Only capable of receiving it because it made his ego grow.

Which of course sucked for Harry since he was in love with Zac and wanted to be loved in return. Not made to feel worthless with each lie Zac told or with each new person Zac fucked when dating Harry or ones that he tried to fuck when dating Harry.

"So you just want me to make up with Zac so he'll stop being a cock block for you?" Harry asked with crossed arms as he arched his eyebrows.

Taylor blushed as he looked guiltily away from Harry, "That's not what I said."

"No but it's what you meant," Harry muttered out under his breath. "Which isn't good enough of a reason for me to give Zac another fucking chance Tay. I blindly give him too many as it is already."

"But Zac said this time he's innocent," Taylor argued as he looked back up at Harry. "When does Zac ever say that when he cheats?"

Harry rolled his eyes as he uncrossed his arms, "He's said that to me a lot before. Maybe not to you because he tells you everything but he has boldly lied to me numerous times about his cheating."

"Yeah well he isn't lying to me so that should tell you something now."

Harry went silent at that figuring Taylor may have had a point there.

"At least talk to him," Taylor spoke deciding to use Harry's silence as his turn to speak. "Please."

Shaking his head Harry only sighed not even having a chance to respond back because Isaac and Zac chose then to show up in the lobby so they could finally all head out to the van waiting outside. Go to the radio for their interview and then come back here and have a few hours of down time.

Heading to the venue where their show tonight was after their down time.

Isaac who reached them first must have felt the tension that had built between them during their wait. His eyebrow raising as he looked between Taylor and Harry. "We're not interrupting anything are we?" he questioned as Zac finally came to a stop beside him.

Obviously sensing the tension too because his own features soon resembled Isaac.

Harry only realizing then how much Zac could look like Isaac sometimes. Though he'd never tell Zac that least Zac try to kill him for mentioning it.

"Nope, everything is fine," Harry lied before turning on his heel and heading outside. Putting an end to his conversation with Taylor.

While his mind pondered on at least trying to talk to Zac. Something that wasn't hard when Zac chose to sit next to him in the van. The closeness of his body making Harry miss the closeness of him in general.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Making it back to the hotel later that afternoon Harry was the first one out of the van. Hurrying inside before Taylor had time to corner him again. Start pleading with him to just talk to Zac.

Though of course the universe seemed to hate him because when he made it to the elevator and pressed the button he turned his head just in time to see Zac standing beside him. His hands n his pocket as he gave Harry a look that said I'm sorry.

Harry not exactly sure if the sorry was for everything or because they were now alone.

"Where are your brothers?" Harry asked him with a curious hint to his tone. "Figured Taylor would want to go see Alex and his kids, especially since Ginny is flying in tomorrow to come and take them back home for the rest of our time on tour."

"Same but he mentioned to Isaac that they could walk to the coffee shop up the road and get some coffee," Zac explained which made Harry roll his eyes.

Already Harry knew that Taylor had just used that as his excuse to make Harry talk to his brother and not let Harry do it on his own terms.

"He did it on purpose," Zac stated obviously having figured things out too. "You can just go back to ignoring me," he spoke as the doors to the elevators opened and he stepped on.

Harry following behind and as the doors closed he hit the number for their floor. Leaning against the wall as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Are you sorry?" Harry asked finally as he looked at Zac who was standing close to him. Close enough that if Harry wanted he could have rested his head on Zac's shoulder.

But of course he didn't want that....or so he told himself.

"I've been sorry since the day we had our argument," Zac answered as he looked over at Harry, his hands still in the pocket of his jeans which made him look smaller than what he really was. "I don't....I don't want Poppy. I don't want her and I miss you."

Frowning Harry looked away from Zac before heaving a sigh, "I miss you too," he admitted before looking back up. "And I'm sorry too for not giving you a chance to really explain things. Maybe jumped to the wrong conclusions."

"It's not like I can blame you for that," Zac laughed though it sounded bitter. "It's not like I give you reasons to trust me and I know that," he spoke surprising Harry at his honesty. "But I'm sorry and I just I hate this distance between us Harry."

"I hate it too," Harry whispered as he inched just a bit closer to Zac. "Miss you and hate the distance like crazy," he spoke before letting his lips brush against Zac's in a chaste kiss.

A kiss that Zac eagerly returned and one that turned not so chaste the longer it went on.

Zac finding a way to somehow maneuver himself so that he had boxed Harry against the walls. Their hips pressed together as Zac's hand found it's way under his shirt, making him shiver right as his jeans began to get tighter.

Any plans of a nap before having to go to the venue flying out the window. Harry knowing full well that Zac would have to get him off first. Get rid of the hard on that he had made Harry get.

Hearing the elevator doors open as they reached their floor Harry let out a whine when Zac moved away. Though Zac only smirked before turning to walk off the elevator.

"Oh don't pout," Zac spoke as he turned to look over his shoulder at Harry. "We can go to your room and finish what we started," he added on.

Harry getting harder at the thought but not at all surprised that Zac had the same train of thought that he had, had in the elevator.

Probably because as Harry could feel when they had been kissing, Zac was now hard as well.

"Yeah," Harry squeaked out with a blush as he walked to catch up with Zac. "My room it is," he spoke as he reached into the pocket of his jeans for the key card to get them in.

Not at all surprised that when they reached the door, Zac once again pushed him up against the surface and kissed him all too briefly which flustered him just enough that he was slow in turning around. Slow in opening the door but all the same somehow he did it.

He opened the door and turned the light on as he walked inside, Zac now being the one to follow him.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Harry asked as he turned to look at Zac after he reached the bed. "I mean we don't have too..."

"Oh but I want too," Zac told him as he leaned into Harry again. "Would much rather have you than my hand," he added on before kissing Harry again.

Harry returned the kiss slowly falling down on the bed as he did so, bringing Zac with him and this time the only time they pulled away was to shed articles of clothing until they were both naked.

Though after they were naked Harry pulled away from the kiss to look innocently up at Zac, "Tell me what you want baby," he spoke out as he let his hands slowly move down Zac's chest. "Tell me how you want it."

"I want to fuck you," Zac told him as he leaned down until his face was inches from Harry. "You think you can handle me fucking you?" he questioned with a glint in his eyes.

A glint that made Harry shiver once again as he went silent.

Something that made Zac smirk, "Cat got your tongue there Harold?" he spoke softly as his hand went between them to wrap around Harry's aching cock. "You think you can handle me inside of you? Fucking you so hard that you'll be able to feel me still at the concert tonight."


	10. March 19, 2014- Seattle, Washington

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "My wonderful dickhead."

Harry just looked up at Zac helplessly. Surprised at how easy Zac had taken control of the situation. Then again wasn't he good at that? Taking control of everything and ruining Harry without a god damn care in the world.

"Oh I can handle it," Harry told him trying to sound sure because he wasn't sure if he was talking about just the fucking like Zac had been.

Harry felt as if he was speaking for everything. He was trying to tell himself he could handle everything...anything Zac gave him.

Zac smiled at Harry's words before leaning down to kiss him again. Their tongues brushing together as they both opened their mouth at the same time. Harry's eyes falling shut as the the kiss progressed. Zac's hand going to his cock which he began to stroke.

Slow and lazy like they had all the time in the world. Even if they truly didn't have all the time in the world. Had a concert to perform tonight. Only had a few hours at best before they needed to be showered and down in the lobby to get ready to go to the venue.

But if Zac wanted slow right now then Harry wouldn't complain or remind him they had a time limit. It was no use in the end anyway. Zac would still fuck him like he wanted too because Zac always got his way in the end. Fucking always.

Feeling Zac's hand stop moving on him Harry let out a whimper. Watching wordlessly as Zac winked at him before moving off the bed. Heading to where Harry's bags where. A smirk playing on Harry's lips as he let his own hand go to his cock which he stroked as he watched Zac rummage through the pink bag he had.

The bag which contained all of their sex stuff. The lube, the naughty DVDs, the sex toys. It wasn't all of their collection but it was enough to do them on the road.

"Doesn't take all day to find lube does it?" Harry asked him cheekily as he let out a low moan. Letting Zac know he was jerking off during his absence. "May finish myself off before you even get back over here.

"Oh fuck you Harry," Zac retorted as he stood up. Lube in hand as he walked back to the bed. Sitting on his legs as he opened the bottle.

Harry watching in anticipation as Zac coated his fingers with the lube. Another moan finally coming out when Zac locked eyes with him as he slipped one of his lube covered fingers inside of Harry. The finger moving so goddamn slow because again Zac must have thought they had all day.

"I missed this," Zac spoke again as he leaned in leaving a light kiss against Harry's hip bone as he began to move his finger inside of Harry a bit faster now. "Missed everything and...and I'm sorry," he sighed sounding so vulnerable.

Harry feeling a bit shocked by the vulnerability as well as Zac saying the word sorry. He said it so rarely. Never often enough to Harry and maybe this time he meant it. Maybe he was truly sorry and he wouldn't fuck things up again.

That or he was just lying to get back on Harry's good side a bit better.

Harry hated that with Zac he didn't know which it was or which it would ever be. That some small part of him would always be doubting Zac's sincerity.

Before Harry could respond though he let out a loud moan as Zac's lips wrapped around his cock. A second finger slipping inside of him as well.

An action that made his head fall back as he desperately began to move his hips with the pace Zac was making. Harry now more convinced than ever that Zac wasn't truly sorry. Was just saying it to get a better fucking.

Using it to make Harry weak. Then in the end at some undetermined point in the future Zac would do something and fuck things up again. Like always.

Letting his eyes fall shut though Harry did his best not to think of the bad stuff. Instead he just wanted to think of how Zac was sucking his cock as well as fucking his ass with his fingers.

Only Zac ever making him feel this good. No one else having been capable of knowing Harry's body the way Zac did.

Then again Harry never really let them. Surely hadn't let Patrick fuck him when they had dated. Though he would fuck Patrick which Harry knew was selfish but he never said he wasn't a selfish man. It was something he had picked up from Zac in the end.

Learning to use people for his own gain. He tried not too when he could but when it came to sex he did. Knowing he never had trusted Patrick enough to be vulnerable and literally let him inside. Yet he could always trust Zac to be inside of him.

Despite knowing he'd be let down which well maybe Harry was just a walking contradiction. But who could blame him when Zac fucked him so well and felt like home all at the same time.

Opening his eyes when Zac removed his fingers from Harry. Harry let out a tiny whimper especially when Zac slipped his mouth off his cock.

"Whining isn't becoming of you," Zac whispered as he moved to lay over Harry. Finding a way to maneuver his cock at the entrance of Harry's hole. "But I mean I guess I could suck your cock and fuck you with my fingers if that is what you want," he smirked as he leaned in just close enough to kiss.

But of course he didn't kiss Harry just like he still hadn't slid inside of him even though his cock was literally right at the hole.

Harry rolled his eyes playfully, "Just fuck me with your cock you asshole," he muttered out and after he spoke Zac finally leaned down to kiss him.

His cock finally slipping inside of Harry. Both of them moaning into the kiss at that and Harry's eyes once again fell shut.

Because he had missed this in their days apart. Not just the sex but the feeling of being home when he was with Zac.

A feeling he knew he probably shouldn't have had with someone who constantly hurt him yet he did. Zac was his home and despite all of the shit he put him through he probably always would be.

"I love you Harry," Zac muttered softly into the kiss before he started to move inside of Harry. Going slow at first which Harry didn't mind.

Slow was nice even if again Harry knew they didn't have all day. They still only had a few hours.

"Love you too Zac," Harry responded softly as he kissed Zac a bit deeper. His hand slipping between their bodies as he let it wrap around his still hard cock. Stroking himself in time with Zac's thrusts.

Thrusts that had gotten a bit faster now. Zac obviously doing like he said he'd do. Beginning to fuck Harry enough that he'd definitely feel it tonight. Would probably waddle a bit too which meant he'd pray the fans didn't notice. Knowing if they did they'd assume why he was.

They always did when he or Zac one walked a bit differently. Most having a field day over it because to them it was just extra proof that Zac and Harry's fragile relationship was still in tact. Even if it just meant it was barely hanging on by a thread.

Closing his eyes tight Harry began to move with Zac now. The room soon becoming filled with nothing but their skin on skin contact and moans. The bed only slightly creaking from what they were doing which was nice because sometimes they had a habit of going too fast.

Making the headboard hit the wall even in hotel rooms. Which was probably why Taylor tried to make sure they had a room that was at the very end of the hall with a bed resting against a wall that only lead to the brick of the building.

"Fuck Zac," Harry breathed out after a bit. Feeling his release building up inside. "So close already," he told him as he began to move a bit faster.

Fucking himself on Zac's cock now. Almost frantic to just get off. Get off and get the release he wanted.

"Oh yeah?" Zac questioned softly as he pulled away from the kiss. His hand going to Harry's cock now too and when it reached his cock Zac removed his hand, replacing it with his own as he began to jerk Harry off keeping it in time with their thrusts. "You going to come for me baby?" he asked before kissing him softly and briefly. "Come then."

Hearing Zac all Harry could do was moan as he began to thrust even more. Fucking himself into Zac's hand as Zac fucked his ass.

His eyes opening as he felt his cock twitch right before he came. The white sticky substance covering his stomach as well as Zac's hand.

Though Zac seemed to have no complaints. Instead he just lifted his hand away once Harry was done putting his hand up to Harry's mouth and Harry got the hint quickly. Zac wanted him to lick his hand clean.

"Don't act all shy," Zac told him as he just stared at Zac's hand. "Clean up the mess you made you fucking naughty boy," he spoke with a low growl as he slowed his thrusts inside of Harry and just from the way he was breathing Harry knew he was close.

Giving Zac a small smirk Harry finally latched onto his hand. Sucking away the mess he had made rather slowly. The action of him doing that being enough to bring Zac to his own release inside of Harry. Harry liking how utterly filthy Zac looked as his head went back and a string of curse words left his mouth.

Harry moving his lips away from Zac's hand after Zac's orgasm had subsided. Both men now a sweaty mess of tangled limbs and hair.

"You want to shower with me?" Harry asked as Zac slipped out of him. Moving to lay beside him on the bed. "Or we can take turns showering."

Zac looked at him as if he was crazy, "Of course I'm showering with you," he spoke as if Harry was crazy now besides looking at him like it. "Just give me a few minutes to catch my breath yeah?"

Laughing Harry leaned in to peck his lips, "Well if we end up late to the lobby you can explain to your brother why. Because you're getting old and needed to take a breather after sex."

"Dickhead," Zac retorted back playfully before leaning in to kiss Harry again. "My wonderful dickhead."

"And you're my pain in the ass," Harry told him with a smile. "But I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world," he said hating how true his own words were.

Because he wished he did have the spine to trade Zac in for someone faithful or maybe just somehow make Zac more faithful. He wasn't sure which it was just yet.

"Now come on," Harry stated as slipped out of bed. "Need to get in that shower now."  
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Later that night after rehearsals and while the opening band was on stage Harry chewed on his lip as he sat in some secluded spot backstage. A leather bound notebook resting on his lap as he wrote away in it.

A song idea having come to him on the drive to the venue as Zac had somehow rested his head on his shoulder and proceeded to fall asleep like it was no big deal. Which was typical Zac falling asleep anywhere but just the image of Zac asleep on his shoulder had sparked some idea in Harry.

Harry making a face as he looked at the words he had before looking up at Zac who was standing off behind the curtains. Finding some way to watch Rosie and Poppy sing. Looking as if he was in his own little world and Harry only sighed.

Turning back to his notebook as he wrote some more. Knowing that for now he'd keep these lyrics to himself. Until he was ready to show the others and maybe turn it into a song.

> You in the moonlight  
>  With your sleepy eyes  
>  Could you ever love a man like me  
>  And you were right  
>  When I walked into your house  
>  I knew I'd never want to leave  
>  Sometimes I'm a strong man  
>  Sometimes cold and scared  
>  And sometimes I cry  
>  But that time I saw you  
>  I knew with you to light my nights  
>  Somehow I'd get by


	11. February 9, 2016- Los Angeles, California

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: "Maybe going a few days without it will make Harry want to quit," Zac offered but even he knew that was a lie.

Waking the next morning Zac blinked several times before stretching. Though he was mid stretch when he paused as his eyes landed on the clock. Seeing it was ten in the morning and not once had he been awoken by Arabella's cries which was unusual.

After all she was his daughter and she was stubborn and an early riser. So the fact that she hadn't woken yet didn't sit well with him.

So much so that Zac sat up in the bed, stretching once more before getting out and heading out of his room. Not even caring that he was clad in his boxers and that Harry was somewhere in this house. More than likely hiding to avoid Zac because why would he want to see the man he had left like it was nothing.

Making it to Arabella's room, Zac paused as he stood in the open doorway finding her crib empty and no sign of the child anywhere in sight.

That information making Zac turn on his heel when his brain finally registered it. His feet leading him down the stairs where he once again paused when he was on the last step.

Voices from the kitchen reaching him from where he stood as well as the smell of food wafting to his nostrils.

But no, Harry couldn't have gotten Arabella up and made breakfast. He had been getting high before Zac had went to bed and there was no way he was awake right now. He should have been sleeping off his high because he should have crashed by now.

Unless of course he had done more after Zac had went to bed. Despite Zac asking him not too.

Getting his feet to move again, Zac moved from the last step. Heading to the kitchen where once he got to the entryway he found Arabella in a high chair. Sitting there content as Harry stood at the stove making breakfast as if he hadn't a care in the world.

Zac hating how he felt like this should be their everyday life. How it could have been had Harry not left him and decided to eventually shack up with Patrick like Zac had meant nothing to him.

Which maybe Zac deserved in ways since he knew he had constantly hurt Harry but still. He longed for the life they had talked about having. The life Harry had denied them.

Harry must have felt Zac's eyes on him though because he did turn to face Zac. A smile which had been on his face dropping when he saw Zac standing in the entryway to the kitchen. Like somehow only briefly he had forgotten Zac lived here too.

Even with Zac's daughter sitting in a high chair in the kitchen.

"I...Arabella wasn't in her room so I may have freaked out briefly," Zac spoke as he walked farther into the kitchen.

Harry nodded as he turned back to the stove, "She woke me up an hour ago," he explained and Zac was a bit surprised that somehow he had slept through it. "Decided to get her before she woke you up because I know how cranky you can be in the mornings and after she was up I just...I decided to make breakfast. I hope...I mean she can eat waffles right?" he asked like he was unsure. "I don't know if she has allergies or anything."

"Waffles are fine," Zac told him as he sat down in the chair closest to Arabella's high chair. "You should be fine. I mean to my knowledge she has no allergies. Hasn't developed any in the year she has been alive."

Again Harry nodded though he stayed silent.

"Thanks," Zac said in Harry's silence. "You didn't have to get her up. I could have even if it makes me cranky. I've been doing it for so long now that I think I've adjusted."

Harry turned to face Zac as he rolled his eyes. "Maybe you have but this is my first morning back in a year and I really didn't want an argument early in the morning. Just didn't feel like testing the waters. Anyway she wasn't that bad."

"She rarely is," Zac smiled as he looked at Arabella fondly. "Almost hard to believe she is mine and Poppy's with how sweet she is," he spoke as he watched the Harry bristled out of the corner of his eye.

Like maybe somehow Harry still wasn't over the fact that Zac had a child with Poppy. Not that Zac could blame him though in the end Zac wasn't sure he'd take back the fact that he shared a child with Poppy. Not when he loved Arabella with everything in him.

"Maybe she isn't yours then," Harry muttered out softly and just the way he said it Zac could tell he wasn't teasing.

He said it like he wished that Arabella wasn't Zac's. But she was, they had done a DNA test when Poppy had still been pregnant just to make sure and there was no way that could have been altered.

This wasn't a soap opera. It was real life and whether Harry liked it or not Arabella was his.

"I have papers that say otherwise," Zac reminded him because Harry had been there when the tests had been done. "She's mine."

"I know," Harry sighed as he shook his head. "I know," he repeated as if he was having to tell himself that again. "Just forget I even said anything yeah. Breakfast will be done soon and then I'll be out of your hair for most of the day."

Zac raised his eyebrow when Harry said he'd be out of his hair for most of the day.

"Made plans already?" Zac asked him trying not to sound disappointed. Because maybe he had wanted to spend time with Harry. Even if it was just them existing in the same house.

Harry nodded his head quickly. "Yeah, called up some friends I have here and am going to spend the day with them. I mean it's my last day of freedom since making the new album starts tomorrow."

Zac rolled his eyes as he took in Harry's words. His mind wondering if his friends were some of his druggie friends. Wondering if Harry was going to get high with them since he couldn't do it in Zac's house.

"Well hopefully you have fun then," Zac told him as he forced a smile.

Hating the way that deep down he hoped that Harry didn't have fun. That he wanted Harry miserable which he knew made him petty.

But he never said he wasn't petty. He was always petty he just did a better job at hiding it then people like his brother Taylor did.  
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"Why didn't you tell me Harry really was engaged to Patrick?" Zac mused as he sat next to Rosie at the park. A place where he had decided to bring Arabella because after breakfast she had, had energy she needed to play off.

Not to mention it also gave him an excuse to invite her aunt along and grill her on the fact that she kept secrets from him when he had thought they had gotten close in the last year as they both stepped up for Arabella when Poppy failed.

Rosie scrunched up her nose, "I didn't think you'd want to know," she shrugged as if it was nothing. "I thought you had moved on with the way you sleep with every Tom, Dick, and Harriet that there is."

Narrowing his eyes Zac shook his head, "You know I haven't moved on Rosie," he spoke because he felt it should have been apparent to everyone.

It was apparent to Poppy anyway and Poppy was never the brightest crayon in the box. Though maybe she was, after all she had gotten what she wanted in the end with him. She had made him miserable.

"No, I thought you had," Rosie said again. "How was I to know you sleeping around was just you being upset because Harry left."

"Everyone knew that," Zac spat out rather harshly. "I think you're just bias cause you like Patrick more," he told her bringing up the fact that Rosie was also friends with Patrick.

Rosie again scrunched up her nose as she shook her head harshly. "Trust me Zac I don't like Patrick more," she sighed as she chewed on her lip. "Not when I see how bad he is for Harry."

How bad?" Zac questioned feeling a bit concerned. His mind making up scenarios where Patrick abused Harry and if he knew that well he'd kill Patrick. He'd kill him and the body would never be found at all.

"He's the reason Harry's drug addiction is bad," Rosie offered up as she locked eyes with Zac. "Unless you didn't notice Harry's nose candy habit last night."

"No, I noticed it," Zac told her as he looked away from her, breaking the eye contact. "I told him not to do it when he was at my house especially when Arabella was there."

Rosie let out a small laugh, "Well I guess it's good for Harry that he is only staying with you until Taylor's house is germ free."

"Are you saying his addiction is that bad?" Zac asked her because yeah he knew magazines had implied it but maybe he had hoped. Hoped that Harry hadn't fallen that far. He'd had enough of an addiction problem when it came to Poppy.

The last thing he needed was the ex he still loved dealing with stuff.

An addiction which Zac knew he didn't want for Harry. Especially if Patrick wasn't helping him and just making it worse.

"I'm saying it's worse than I ever knew it to be when it came to Harry and drugs," Rosie answered with a shake of her head. "And I know Patrick isn't the reason he started using but Patrick doesn't help things with it."

Shaking his head Zac fell silent. Wanting to ask just what the reason was that Harry started using but he didn't. Not when he had an idea and that idea was that he was the cause. He was the reason Harry had started using and in the end it made him hate himself worse than he already did.

Because of course he already hated himself for being the reason that Harry left. Knowing somehow it had to do with him and the fact he had a child with Poppy. Even if Harry had stayed during the entire pregnancy which is why it had hurt worse when he just walked out the day Arabella was born.

Abandoning Zac when he needed Harry the most. Then again maybe he deserved that too because how many times had he done that to Harry in the past?

"Maybe going a few days without it will make Harry want to quit," Zac offered but even he knew that was a lie. Knew Harry was off with friends today and he was probably getting high.

Something that didn't go against the rules Zac gave to Harry about not using at his house with Arabella there. He was off getting high with friends and would maybe come home to Zac's place high. Though Zac hoped that he didn't. Didn't want Arabella around that either in any way shape or form.

It was why he waited to get high or drunk on nights when Arabella was with a baby-sitter or with Poppy.

"Yeah sure," Rosie spoke as if she didn't believe Zac's words either. "Enough talking about Harry though. I'm going to go play with my cutie of a niece who I swear is growing way too much for my liking lately."

"Fine, fine," Zac laughed as he shook his head. "Go play with Arabella," he teased Rosie who only stuck her tongue out at him playfully before standing and going to where Arabella was in the sandbox.

Zac leaning farther back onto the bench where he was sitting, doing his best not to think of Harry and his problems but failing.

Knowing he'd never stop worrying about Harry now and also knowing he didn't want Harry to be as bad as Poppy. To get bad enough that he'd be reckless like Poppy had been when she had gotten into her car accident with Arabella.

The accident that had gave Zac custody of their daughter because despite his own flaws he was the better parent when it came to caring for his daughter's safety.


	12. May 11, 2014- New York City, New York

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excerpt: Made him feel like something that was second hand and not really wanted.

Zac glared as he sit backstage after the concert. It was the last one for the tour and of course the tour had ended in New York City.

A place where Patrick lived and of course Harry's one time ex happened to show up at the show. It was also Zac's luck that the bastard was friends with Rosie and Poppy, which meant now he was subjected to watching Harry and Patrick talking.

Harry having seemingly forgot he existed the moment Patrick walked in like some Adonis.

"You okay there Zachary?" Poppy asked as she sat down beside him. Zac rolling his eyes because ever since the incident at the restaurant he had been doing his best to avoid her.

He really didn't want to end up having sex with her and ruining things with Harry. Though at this rate with Patrick here tonight maybe for once it'd be Harry who cheated on Zac.

"I'm fine," Zac retorted hoping Poppy didn't hear the irritation in his voice.

Poppy only laughed and once again Zac rolled his eyes.

"Really?" Poppy questioned him sarcastically. "You're looking kind of jealous and green isn't a good color on you."

"Yeah, well I don't care what you think about what isn't a good color on me," Zac sighed with a shake of his head. "Now, can you please leave and go be a pest to someone else?"

The moment the question left his mouth Zac knew it wouldn't happen. He just felt it in his bones.

Poppy finally turned to look at him, her brown eyes connecting with his own. "But no one else is fun enough to annoy," she deadpanned without even blinking. "And there is this club I was wondering if you wanted to go too? I mean if you get sick of watching your boyfriend flirt with the ex who is hotter than you."

"I'd rather watch paint dry," Zac admitted honestly, not missing the disappointed look Poppy gave him.

It was an action that left him wondering if she had really expected him to take her up on that offer. If somehow she thought he had forgotten what she had said at the restaurant and how she had set it up so Harry could find them.

"Your loss then," Poppy told him with a shrug, the disappointed look leaving as quickly as it came. "But if you change your mind just text me."

Zac remained silent at that, watching as Poppy stood to leave and when Zac turned to look back at Harry and Patrick he felt his stomach drop some when he found them gone. Somehow he had been so into trading barbs with Poppy that he missed Harry going god knew where with an ex that Zac hated.

Shaking his head, Zac stood up and moved to leave the dressing room. He needed to shower and just head back to the hotel room he shared with Harry.

Hell maybe he'd even run into Harry on the way to the shower or when he got out maybe Harry would be back. At least he hoped he'd be back. Hated to think of Harry gone too long with Patrick.

Already hated that somehow his boyfriend hadn't even told him he was leaving with the other man. Hated it enough that his blood he was sure was slightly boiling, or so it felt that way.  
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Leaving the bathroom after he was showered and dressed, Zac frowned when he went to the dressing room and Harry was still gone. His stomach felt like it had dropped even more and his mind was now full of all the things Harry could be up too with Patrick.

Things that Zac didn't want to think of him doing with anyone but him.

Going to where his cell phone was, Zac picked it up and after he turned it on he looked down to see a text from Harry. One that informed him that he had went to a bar down the street with Patrick. Saying that he'd only be gone for an hour and then he'd be back in their hotel room in no time.

Even had asked Zac to be naked and waiting on him.

It was a simple request but it somehow made something inside of Zac twist. Zac wondering if Harry being around Patrick had gotten him turned on and instead of just fucking Patrick he'd fuck Zac.

At least Zac knew then he wouldn't be cheating but it almost made Zac feel cheap. Made him feel like something that was second hand and not really wanted. Was someone who Harry was just using.

Zac knew it was silly but that was just how he was right now. Which was probably why instead of texting Harry back he sent a text to Poppy, knowing he shouldn't.

It was just a simple text. Asking her where that club was she wanted to go too.

He wasn't ready to go back to the hotel and wait on Harry. He needed to go drink and forget the dark thoughts swirling around in his head tonight.  
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Zac let out a tiny moan as he sat with Poppy on her hotel bed sometime later. They had left the club a little after three in the morning and Zac was well, he was just a tiny bit drunk.

Which that was probably why he had taken Poppy up on her offer of him coming to her room. It was why he didn't stop her from kissing him the minute they came to her room and now here they were on her bed, half undressed still kissing.

Poppy was secure in his lap. Her hips moving into his every so often which was doing nothing to kill the hard on he had going.

In fact her movements were making him worse which was probably what she wanted.

Hell this whole night after they had came to her hotel was what she wanted, he knew. She had told him she'd sleep with him before the tour ended and it seemed like she'd get her wish on the very last night of the tour.

After all Harry was probably still off with Patrick even if he had told Zac via text hours ago it would only be an hour. Zac knew Patrick. Patrick seemed like Poppy and he'd steal more of Harry's time just like he had stolen Harry away tonight.

"You sure lover boy doesn't want you back tonight?" Poppy questioned with a raised eyebrow as she pulled away from the kiss and somehow hearing her refer to Harry made him feel guilty.

More so than when he had thought of Harry moments ago.

Swallowing hard, Zac knew he should tell Poppy that of course Harry would want him back tonight but instead he just shook his head.

A smirk appearing on Poppy's lips as she leaned in to kiss him again with a hunger. Zac returning the kiss just the same, though, he had no clue what either was hungry for.

He just knew it couldn't be each other. He didn't love Poppy and he was sure Poppy didn't love him. She just wanted him to be another notch in her bedpost and she was just a distraction from the idea that Harry could be out there cheating on him just like he was cheating on Harry sort of.

If kissing half naked was considered cheating. It wasn't sex after all but majority of people would consider it cheating.

Harry would consider it as cheating, Zac knew that much.

Feeling Poppy push him back on the bed though is when Zac seemed to come to his senses, pulling away from the kiss right as her hand went to his boxers.

"No," he stated as he shook his head, looking up at her.

"No what?" Poppy asked him as if she really didn't know what he was saying no too. Which she had to know, she was nowhere near as drunk as he was.

He had watched her drink and she had less drinks than him. Which made sense since she wasn't running from her emotions like he was tonight.

"We can't," Zac muttered with a shake of his head. "I....Harry needs me," he told her knowing that even if he wasn't convinced Harry was back there was still a little voice saying he could be. Zac needed to listen to that voice.

If he didn't there was no telling what kind of trouble that he'd be in.

Poppy sighed though she made no effort to move off Zac. "Harry is probably out with Patrick still," she countered sounding almost annoyed.

She probably was because Zac turning her down would put a wrench in her plans to sleep with him.

"Probably but I can't do this," Zac stated staying firm in what he was saying. He knew he had already messed up some but hopefully he could fix things if he ended it now before the actual sex happened.

Though at his denial Poppy only shook her head, "No," she muttered out with anger apparent in her voice. "You don't get to lead me on and then just say no," she spoke as she leaned down to kiss him again briefly. "We're going to have sex and you'll enjoy it," she told him.

Her hands going to his boxers again which she slowly slipped off him. Zac almost feeling like he was in a dream when Poppy finally moved down on him.

A moan coming from her as a small whimper of resistance came from him. Because he didn't want this, wanted her to stop but she wasn't listening.

Obviously didn't care that he had said no. She was going to take him anyway and somehow he had never felt more violated.

Yet maybe he had brought this on himself. Maybe he deserved this in the end. His punishment for letting things go as far as they had before saying no. Especially when he knew just how much she had wanted to have sex with him before tonight.


End file.
